


The Open Sky

by TeresaGreen



Series: Fighting Thunderstorms [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, College Student Dean, Cuddling & Snuggling, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Endgame Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eventual Happy Ending, Firefighter Dean, First Dates, Fluff, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Mechanic Dean, Mutual Pining, Rimming, Romance, Smut, Spooning, Writer Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-05 16:18:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12193365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeresaGreen/pseuds/TeresaGreen
Summary: Cas and Dean can't seem to catch a break, whenever they get closer, something happens to pull them apart again. This is the final installment of Fighting Thunderstorms, in which the boys finally realise their lives will always be stormy without each other. There is a time to wait, and there is a time to act, and the time for waiting is over.**These characters are not my own and belong to Supernatural.**





	1. Moving On

Cas had been back at KSU for over a week. His first day back, he waited until the others were at their classes before raiding Gabe's liquor and getting himself hammered, alone in his room. When they found him passed out a couple of hours later, they let him sober up before demanding what the hell happened. Cas told them about his confrontation with Dean. They all felt terrible for Cas and had been supportive ever since, if supportive meant hiding all the booze, distracting him with school work every hour of the day and never ever mentioning Dean. Cas ended up going back to Sara, the student therapist. 

"What am I supposed to do?" Cas asked her.

"It's not up to me what you do Castiel, you have to figure that out for yourself, it's part of growing up."

"I don't know how I'm supposed to move on. I tried it, the first time. I abandoned Dean when I came here and I tried dating, I tried focusing on myself and I still couldn't get over him."

"You use the word abandoned. Is that what you think you did?"

"...Of course I did. I left him, alone and hurting and it drove him into the arms of that woman who treats him like crap."

"You did what you had to do for yourself Castiel, you wanted to pursue your own future, what Dean did after you left was his decision, and the consequences of it lay with him, not you."

"It doesn't matter. You can throw all the logic at it you want it still feels like my fault."

"And now?"

"Now, it's even worse. Now I know he felt the same way I did, this whole time. And I can't get it out of my head, that what if I had just been braver? What if I hadn't been such a goddamn coward and just gone for what I really wanted? Things could be so different."

"Yes, they could be very different. But that doesn't necessarily mean better. Maybe if you had made your feelings known sooner, Dean wouldn't have taken it well, maybe he wouldn't have been ready for it. The point is Cas there's no point in asking 'what if', only, 'what now'?"

"That's what I'm here to figure out. I know, objectively, if I graduate and move away and never see Dean again, eventually I will get over it."

"And subjectively?"

"I... I don't want to. I want to go to him and tell him I don't care that he's having a kid, or that he has to support Sam and that he's a flailing mess. I don't want to leave him to sort it all out alone I want to help."

"You know, from all your sessions with me, when you talk about Dean, he comes across as having one very dominant aspect to his personality."

"What's that?"

"Responsibility. All his life he, felt responsible for his mother leaving, after he was born she decided she didn't want the domestic life, and by extension, he probably feels responsible for his fathers drinking. He's been raising his brother from very young and then even you, I would hazard a guess that it was because of your long history of friendship and support for one another he felt responsible for looking after you when you were getting bullied. You said when he was here last year, he walked you to your room after the party, he stayed to take care of you when you had a concussion, even took it upon himself to ensure you had a great birthday."

"That doesn't explain why he would push me away like he did. He was going through hell and he wouldn't let me save him."

"Save him? Do you think you could have? Is that what you really want, to save Dean from his problems?"

"Of course I do. He's been through so much already, so much more than anyone should have to, and I know that he's strong, he's the strongest person I've ever met but even he needs someone to lean on. I know that, I've seen it, I'm the only one who's ever seen it, seen him break."

"Why do you think he let's you see that? If he is so careful all the time, why you?"

"I... I don't know. I guess he just had a feeling I wouldn't judge him for it."

"That's most likely. He needed you as a rock, but something happened that he didn't count on, he got feelings for you as well. When he started having feelings for you, I think his instinct to look after you became stronger than the need to lean on you. To him, it is either one or the other, and as usual, Dean decided to take the load for someone else. He didn't come to you when his life got turned upside down, because he wanted to spare you, he's sparing you, right now. I would guess that he needs you, more than ever. But he can't coincide his need to look after you, and his need to be looked after by you. Mutual support is something he's never had before."

"What would happen if he could?"

"That's what a relationship is."

Cas huffed a small laugh and Sara smiled warmly.

"That still leaves me with the question, what do I do now?"

"Now? You study. You graduate. I feel confident that Deans responsibility to his brother and now his unborn child will outweigh his need for self destruction. You said he told you he would get sober and find a new job before the baby comes? I believe him. I think he can do it and I think he will, so you don't need to worry about that. Let Dean get himself together, independently, without relying on you. When that happens, well, ball is in the air. You will both have some big decisions coming up soon, and I always advise patience. Taking a year to make an important decision wisely is far better than making it in a day and making it wrong."

"Okay, I can do that."

"Repeat after me Castiel, space, faith, and patience. Those are what Dean needs from you, no matter how tempting it is to fly to his rescue."

"Space, faith, and patience."

"Good. Now get to class I'll see you in two weeks."

Cas went back there every fortnight to talk, sometimes they didn't talk about Dean at all and Sara was excellent at helping Cas deescalate his stress over exams. At the end of every session though, Sara had Cas repeat the mantra, space, faith, patience. It got to the point where Cas would lay in bed at night unable to sleep, staring at the screen of his phone with Deans number pulled up, ready to hit dial. His thumb would run circles around the screen, so close but never actually pressing the button. He could do that for over an hour while quietly listening to some of Deans old favourite music. In those moments, when it would be so easy to give in, just to hear Deans voice and scratch the itch that was driving Cas insane, it was Sara's mantra that always pulled him back from the edge. He would whisper it to himself until he found the strength to put his phone down and go to sleep. 

"Hey Cas you seen the history notes from last week?"

"Um... Yeah, over there under the soda can."

"Thanks man."

Gabriel and Cas were entering their sixth hour of studying and note taking in their room when Gabe gave up.

"You know what? Screw this."

"We can't. Finals are in five months."

"Exactly. That's five months away. If I don't get out of this goddamn room right the hell now however I will off myself before making it to finals."

"Then go somewhere, it's Friday night there's probably a few parties around."

"Only if you come with me."

"You don't need me to have a good time."

"On the contrary, I do. If I go alone I'll spend the whole time worrying about you being up here all by yourself."

"I don't need a babysitter Gabe."

"No you need a friend. And that is exactly what I am. Friends don't leave friends to wallow in the tears of their broken hearts."

"I'm not wallowing in anything."

"Oh yeah? You think I haven't noticed you laying awake at night, willing yourself not to call he-who-must-not-be-named?"

"Dean is not Voldemort."

"No but he's just as emotionally damaged Cas and you are smack on the end of that Avada Kadavra."

"That doesn't even make sense." Cas squinted at his roommate. 

"It doesn't have to you just need to get your socks on and we can party like Gryffindor won the house cup."

Cas hung his head in his hands and groaned.

"I told Charlie it was a bad idea to show you those movies."

"I was made to be a Weasley Cas."

"Fine. Let's go if it'll shut you up."

Cas got up and slipped his shoes on and put his phone in his pocket.

"We could have done wonderful things together."

"We're going."

Cas opened the door and waited for Gabe who was still sitting with a wistful look on his face.

"The pranks, the candy. It was like JK made me a red head, split me in two and wrote me down."

"We are out the door."

Cas gestured to hurry Gabe up in the middle of his existential crisis.

"I feel like I've missed my calling exsisting in the real world..."

Gabriel continued his thought train out the door and Cas sighed with exasperation as he locked up behind them.

They found a frat party not far away and decided to join. It wasn't even ten pm yet but the house was pumping with people and noise and a hell of a lot of booze. Just what the boys needed. They drank a lot in a rather short amount of time, it was cheap and nasty keg beer, but after forcing it down it did the job, and it was free, so they didn't complain. Gabe ended up doing a keg stand, just to see if he could. Then Cas, still not very drunk at that point, decided to try, because it was that sort of a night he guessed. 

Cas almost doubled Gabriel's time, a feat they both put down to Cas being physically stronger, because they both knew who had a stronger constitution, and it was not Cas. They danced with some random women and men, until Gabe felt his crotch being groped by a firm hand from behind. He spun around with a threatening finger in the air and a heavy slur.

"Hey! Back off I have a girlfriend and I... She! Will kick your ass!"

"Well that would be something to see dumbass maybe I should put money down."

"...Meg! Guys Meg's here!"

"Yeah come on hot stuff let's get you to bed."

"Ooh okay. Promise?"

"Sure thing beautiful, come on."

Meg smirked her trademark sarcastic grin and put one of Gabe's arms around her neck.

"Cas! She called me beautiful!"

"You are beautiful Gabriel!"

Gabe held his hand over his heart and pouted like he was about to cry as Meg dragged him through the dancing crowd and away. Cas laughed and leaned against the wall to rest. Gabe was right, this had been a great way to unwind. Cas took a swig of his drink and tried to refocus, it was a good feeling, having your inhibitions lifted.

That was when he saw the blonde across the room. Not too many feet away was a guy in a group of friends, they were all talking loudly and having a good time, but the blonde guy wasn't paying any attention to them. He just stood there, blatantly eyeing Cas up like a piece of meat. When he noticed Cas staring back, he left his friends and sauntered over, leaning against the wall right next to Castiel, so close their arms were pressed together.

"Having a good night?" He asked.

"Yes, actually. You?"

"Not bad. Haven't seen you around here before."

"I'm a senior. I just don't come to frats often."

"A senior huh? I'm a freshman."

"I know."

"Oh you do?"

You have freshman written all over you."

"How so?"

"It's a big party but you're sticking with the people you know because you're not used to this environment with so many strangers yet. You're gay, or bi, or at least suspect you are. You know college is the place to find out but you're still nervous about it. Freshman."

"You could tell all that from thirty seconds?"

"You're clearly attracted to me but the way you're standing leaves room for misinterpretation, in case I reject you or you change your mind, it leaves you an out. And I can feel you shaking, it's almost summer out here there's no way you're cold."

"So how would I stand if I didn't want to be misinterpreted?"

"Like this."

Cas pushed himself off the wall and swivelled around so he was facing the blonde, pressing right into his personal space and caging him in against the wall. Cas watched the guys breath catch in his throat and his eyes wander over Castiels face before hovering on his lips. Cas didn't say a word as he used his free hand to tilt the guys chin up and catch him in a sensual kiss.

"Are you eighteen?" Cas asked, just to be sure.

"Y-yeah."

"Come with me."

Cas set both their drinks down and took the guys hand, leading him to an empty bedroom. Cas had no idea where all the boldness suddenly came from, he guessed a strange combination of the self-esteem he had built since being at college, with his relationship with Samandriel that taught him a lot about sex and maybe, just maybe, he was chanelling a little of Deans attitude as well. Either way, Cas was having fun with it, and the blonde guy clearly responded. 

"You ever done anything with a guy?" 

Cas asked as he casually took of his own shirt and unbucked his belt, letting his pants and underwear drop to the floor.

"Uh... no."

"Do you know what you like?"

"...No."

"What do you think you want?"

The blonde guy licked his lips as he eyed Castiel up and down.

"Do what you want, I'll go with it."

"Take off your clothes."

The guy striped a little slower than Cas, when he was naked, Cas circled around slowly and stood behind him, pressing in gently against his back so that they could both feel Castiels hard cock against the crack of the guys ass. Cas lightly kissed the guys neck and ran a soothing hand down one arm, he could feel the guy still trembling.

"It's okay, no need to be nervous. I'm not going to fuck you."

"Y-you're not?"

"No. We're both a little too drunk, you would regret it tomorrow."

"What then?"

"I'm going to make you feel good, and you're going to make me feel good. How we do that is up to you."

Cas continued his feather light kisses across the guys shoulders and back up his neck, sucking lightly and nipping at his earlobe.

"I... I don't know..."

"What do you think about? What was going through your head when you were staring at me across the room?"

Cas brought his free hand up and gently cupped the guys ass, his other hand moved from the guys arm up to his collarbone, then back down slowly over his chest where he started delicately pinching a nipple.

"I thought, you're really, really hot. I..."

"Yes?"

Cas pinched the nipple a little harder and cupped is ass more firmly, scraping his teeth on the guys skin in a mocking bite.

"I... want to see you. I want to touch you. I want to feel your dick in my mouth."

"Mmm, that's more like it."

Cas moved the hand playing with his nipple down over the guys flat stomach, he kept going until he was grasping his solid cock and started gently stroking. The guy shuddered a moan and leaned his head back on Cas' chest.

"What's your name?"

"A-adam."

"Have you ever been fingered Adam?"

"N-no."

"Would you like to?"

"Yes, God just keep touching me and you can do what you want."

"This isn't about what I want. You think you might like being with men, and this is your first time finding out. You're afraid that your desires might lead to disappointment, you're afraid it will hurt, that you'll feel less of a man afterwards. It's important that you learn how amazing this can be, when you're with someone who will treat you properly."

The hand on Adams ass moved inward and under, gently stroking his perineum and moving gradually closer to his hole. The closer Cas got the louder Adams moans became, and without meaning to the blonde stopped leaning back on Cas and leaned forward instead, bracing his forearms against the wall in front of him and resting his head there, presenting easier access to his ass for Cas. 

Cas quickly left him there and rumaged through the nightstand for lube. He found a bottle straight away and brought it back with him where he quickly coated two fingers, grabbing Adam by the shoulder and spinning him around, pressing his back to the wall and closing in around him. Adams breathing hitched at being manhandled, and Cas' already hard dick twitched at the thought that this guy liked to be on the receiving end of a rough ride. But then Cas caught a look into his eyes, they were blue. They were a lovely blue, and he was a good looking guy. But any thoughts of anything happening with him beyond that night disappeared when Cas felt the disappointed drop in his gut that the eyes were not green. 

Cas shook the thought away and pressed their lips together, running his dry hand down his side and wrapping it again around his cock. Adam parted his legs as best he could to let Cas get his lubed hand between them. Cas found Adams hole and circled it gently with one lubed up finger, Adams small moans became more and more desperate, and it wasn't long before he broke off their hungry kissing and was trying to impale himself on the teasing finger. 

"God please, just put it in, I want it."

Cas obliged and let the tip slip inside. He let it sit there for a minute while Adam adjusted before slowly pushing in further and further, a little at a time. When he was in as far as he could go Cas started plunging in and out, in time with the strokes of his cock. Once Adam was opened a little more, Cas added his second finger, letting him get used to the feeling again before continuing to fuck Adam with both fingers. Before long Adam was a wimpering mess.

"I-I'm close.. Ah- Oh god I'm so close..."

Cas took this moment to stop brushing past Adams prostate, instead curling his fingers slightly so that he was pressing on it with every thrust. Adam shouted in surprise pleasure and came almost immediately, squirting all over the floor. Cas took a moment to let him come down before carefully extracting his fingers.

"Wow. That was... Wow. I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything."

Cas fixed him with a suggestive smirk and Adam smiled, sinking to his knees and taking Cas into his mouth. Cas closed his eyes and moaned at the wet tongue swirling around the head and the feeling of Adams lips taking him down. For someone who had never done it before he was a natural at opening his throat and controlling his gag reflex. Cas ran his fingers through Adams hair and gripped the roots, his breathing getting ragged and his moans louder as the heat was building. The fire spread from Cas' limbs through his chest, a wave of heat lighting his insides and pooling lower and lower, when the pressure was unbearable Cas tugged at Adams hair to warm him, but Adam stayed where he was, and he swallowed everything Cas gave him. 

When Cas was done, Adam released him and used his own discarded t-shirt to wipe the spit from around his mouth. They both got dressed in silence, Cas making it to the door first. He was about to make his exit when Adam spoke up.

"Hey! I didn't get your name."

"It's Cas."

"Well, thanks Cas. For showing me what it can be like."

"I understand. Just make sure you never let someone treat you badly just because you're inexperienced."

"I won't. And Cas? Good luck. With Dean."

"...How... How did you-"

"You said his name, before. It's okay, I've been there, I know what you're going through. I hope it works out for you."

Cas didn't know what to say, so he just nodded and left. He left the party and walked back to his room. Gabe was gone, probably staying in Megs room. Cas decided what he needed to do. He pulled out his phone and brought up Deans number, this time hesitating for only a beat before hitting dial. As expected at four in the morning, he got voicemail.

"Dean it's Cas. Look, I know you need your space to sort yourself out right now, and I'm going to give that to you, for as long as you need it. I just wanted to let you know that my original promise still stands, I'll always be here for you. That promise doesn't expire. I don't care if it takes twenty years and we're both married with five kids, call me, and I'll be there. Whatever else may have gotten in the way, you're my best friend. I miss you."

Cas hesitated a second then hung up. He instantly felt better. He felt like a burden had been lifted, like he had finally figured out what had been nagging at the back of his mind for weeks. Sara was right, in that Dean needed his space and Cas had to have faith in him and his ability to bounce back on his own. But Cas knew Dean also needed confirmation. He needed to know that Cas wasn't angry at what happened, what was happening. He needed to know, from Castiels own mouth that they were okay, and that Cas cared. Dean had spent two years thinking Cas didn't want to know him because Cas had only left a note with no explanation. He wasn't going to let that happen again. Cas fell on top of his blankets and went to sleep faster than he had in weeks.


	2. Detox

After Cas had left the day Dean spilled his guts all over the front porch, Dean had drank every drop of liquor in the house. When Sam came home that day and found the state Dean was in, worse than Sam had ever seen him, they got into a fight. Sam had had enough of Deans behaviour, hoping that confronting him about it early might prevent him turning out like their dad. They shouted and screamed at each other, and then Dean had done the unthinkable. He hit Sam. 

The following day, when Dean dragged himself out of bed and saw Sam sitting in the kitchen eating his cereal, Dean stopped dead in his tracks. Sam had a shiny, swollen black eye, just like the ones Dean used to have. 

"Sammy..."

"Don't say sorry. Do something about it."

Dean swallowed and nodded, his eyes welling from the guilt clenching his chest. He shuffled to the kitchen counter and found his wallet, handing it over to Sam.

"Hide this. And whatever you do, don't let me talk you into buying anything."

"You going to detox?"

"Yeah. Just, don't come in for a couple of days okay?"

"Okay. I'll leave you some food."

"Thanks Sammy."

Dean turned away and trudged back to his room where he put his music on and lay in bed until he fell asleep again. He spent the next fourteen days in self-isolation in his room, where all he did was shower, sleep, watch tv, sleep some more. He sweated and shaked and begged Sam for a drink. He was in pain and couldn't breath and banged on his door shouting to be let out because Sam had locked him in from the outside until he calmed down. Sam made him a portion of every meal he was cooking for himself and left it outside Deans door. After the fourteen days, Dean finally ventured outside his room. He saw the state of the house, their prison most of their lives. It felt soaked in bad memories and a shit childhood that made him just want another drink. Dean spent the following week, with Sam's help on the weekend, clearing most of it out.

"Do we really have to start all of it over?" Sam asked when he saw the insane list of chores that Dean had written.

"Everything we can, we will. This place has been our own personal hell for as long as we can remember. Moms gone now, dads gone. This house is ours Sammy, and I want to make it better. I want to make it ours. I want to make it a place I can come back to at the end of the day and be proud of, be happy to call home, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. It'd be nice, to have somewhere good for the baby too."

"Yeah. Lisa's gonna stay with her mom for the first couple of months, she'll need the help. After that we haven't decided what's gonna happen."

"Well, either way. It'd be nice not to live in a dump anymore."

"Yeah, no kidding. Rock paper scissors for clearing the weeds where all those spiders live."

Dean lost. They did the yardwork first, because it didn't cost them anything but some elbow grease. Dean cleared out the weeds and the gutters while Sam mowed the lawn. They used a pressure hose and car cleaning supplies to get two decades worth of dirt and grime from the outside of the house and the windows. On Monday Dean got his welfare check while Sam was at school, he had convinced his brother to give him back his wallet and took a bus into town where he jumped off only a short walk away from a hardware store. Dean stood across the street from the entrance, where he could see a liquor store less than a block away. Dean stared at it longingly, he didn't have enough money for both. After a half hour of internal debate, Dean crossed the road and entered the hardware store. 

He spent the next week going over the house room by room, starting with his own, making Sam do his own, then getting to their parents', which nobody had been in since their mom died. Their own rooms had been easy, a spring clean and a good airing out was all that was really required. Dean spent a whole day in his parents old room, there were dirty clothes and bedding still there from when his dad went to prison. Since his dad was coming back in fiveish years, Dean figured he probably shouldn't throw out all his stuff, as tempting as it might be. Instead he left the bed striped bare, washed everything in the room and cleaned it all down. He boxed everything that belonged to his mom and took it to the garage, hanging on to all that crap was probably a big contributor to his dads issues. 

He found some jewellery that looked like it might be worth something and took them to a pawn shop, getting a few hundred bucks out of the venture. In the back of his dads closet Dean found an old record player. It was in perfect condition and was packed away with a few mint condition blues records. Dean knew just by looking at them they were worth a fortune. But when he pulled it out and played the first one, letting the smooth notes wash over him, he felt a deep soothing in his soul that he hadn't felt in a long time. It was like a balm being applied to a burn, instant relief from a torturous pain. Dean couldn't put a finger on where he had felt that balm before, but he knew he couldn't sell these records. The music and the voices and the lyrics all combined so perfectly in a way music had forgotten how to do. It made him feel like the people playing knew him, they knew life, they knew what he was going through, and they were telling him it was all going to be okay. 

Dean brought the record player into the living room and during the day, when Sam was at school Dean would put on a record and play it as loud as the old player would allow, letting the soothing songs fill the house while Dean unfilled it. He felt like he was cleansing it, not only detoxifying himself but his environment too, unburdening his heart of all the dirt he had lived with all his life through the power of bleach and blues. He scrubbed walls and packed away trinkets, dusting some photos and boxing away others. He made trips into town on the bus to buy replacements for all the stuff his dad had broken over the years in his rages, from bookshelves to dinner plates to toilet seats. He patched up holes that had been punched in walls and found buckets of matching paint in the garage. He replaced the bulbs in lights and lamps that hadn't been turned on in years. He washed windows and steamed curtains and fixed leaky taps. He paid professionals to fumigate everything and to fix leaks in the roof and to shampoo the carpets. 

By the end of the week it was like a brand new house that either of them hardly recognised, and Dean felt a weight in his heart lessened because of it. That weekend Dean and Sam spent all Saturday sorting through the garage. They kept several boxes of their parents stuff stacked against a wall, several more they put on the back of Sam's old pull around wheelie cart that he played with when he was ten, and dropped at Goodwill. They cleared and cleaned and organised all of the things that should be in a garage, everything else they threw into a skip they hired for the day. It gave them both a particular satisfaction to watch it all being driven away to be dumped. They spent Sunday being lazy, watching TV and eating homemade pizza. One of Sam's conditions of Dean getting better was that he stop eating so much crap all the time, and it was fast becoming a regular thing for them to cook together, Sam showing Dean how to substitute fatty or sugary foods for healthy ones without losing flavour.

On Monday morning Dean took the bus to get to Bobby's garage. He talked to Bobby and told him everything that had happened with his parents, leaving out the part about Cas. He told Bobby about the detox and getting sober, and he begged for his job back. Bobby had listened and sighed and straightened his cap before leading Dean outside to the wreckage. Sitting there on the gravel stones was the Impala. Her hood was in half, the impact from where it hit the tree head-on had bent the front around it and crumpled the back in like a soda can. She was going to need a lot of work, but if anyone could save her, it was Dean. 

"You show me how badly you want to come back, and I'll let you. I like you boy, you're a damn good mechanic, and I sympathise with your situation, I really do. But I can't employ a drunk in a place filled with death traps. So I'll let you come in and fix up your Chevy. It'll be your labour, you won't be paid for it since it's your car and I haven't hired you back yet. I'll order any parts you need but it comes out of your pocket. If you're still sober by the time you've finished, you can have your job back."

Dean let out a breath of relief and shook Bobby's hand gratefully.

"Thank you, thank you Bobby. I won't let you down."

"I know you won't."

Bobby winked and left Dean to it. Dean ran into the garage, grabbed a crow bar and got to work. He went back every morning on the same bus, going home only once it was dark. He went in on Saturdays, keeping his Sundays his time with Sam. His third week into his work on the Impala and Dean woke up Saturday morning with a fuzzy head and vague craving itching in his chest. He had been six weeks sober by now and it was getting easier every day, but he was still very much in the danger zone, and while he didn't believe he would give up alcohol completely, mornings such as these were reminders that he was not ready to practise control yet. Dean turned over and picked up his phone to check the time, that's when he saw the notification of a missed voicemail.

Dean hit the number to listen and pressed it to his ear, listening to the message Cas had left him at four in the morning. When the automated voice asked Dean to press a number to either save or delete the message, Dean hesitated a moment before quickly pressing save. Hearing Castiels voice again, and hearing the things he said, they made Deans heart ache even more than it already was. Cas wasn't giving up on him, even after everything Dean had said, everything he had done. Cas still gave a damn. Somehow that knowledge was worth so much more than even Dean could have predicted, and it spurred him on. Cas promised he would be patient, Dean was going to take advantage of that. He wasn't just getting his life sorted for himself, or for Sam or the baby, he was going to prove to Cas that his faith in him was justified. He was going to prove to everybody, and to Cas most of all, that Dean Winchester was capable of not being a fuck up.

He went to the garage that morning with a determined push in his stride and a new energy in his work. He got a lot done that day and slept well that night. Six weeks after starting on the Impala, nine weeks total sober, Dean rumbled into his driveway behind the wheel of his newly restored Baby. Sam came running from the house and jumped in the front seat.

"You finished! Dean she looks even better than before!"

"Hell yeah she does. Baby's like me, when she bounces back, she does it in style."

Dean ran his hand over the dashboard lovingly.

"So you got your job back?"

"Start Monday. No more welfare for us. What do you day we go celebrate?"

"Burgers?"

"Done."

Dean grinned ear to ear as he reversed out again, the boys stopping in at a burger joint in town that Dean always loved for their amazing bacon cheeseburgers. He ordered a beer with their dinner and Sam looked at him concerned.

"Dean, you sure that's a good idea?"

"Its been nine weeks Sam, okay I never planned to stay sober forever just long enough to get a hold of myself. If I get convinced that I can't have a single beer with my dinner without losing control, then the drink is still in charge. I need to show it who's boss. I'm going to have one beer with my dinner, then I'm going to have a coffee with my pie. Then we are going home. If I ask for another, you can tell Bobby tomorrow and I'll be back at square one. Sam looked him over carefully before nodding his consent.

Dean had trouble believing how grown up Sam was these days. It was like Dean had blinked and the lanky nerd had grown a few inches taller than him and a few years wiser. He still acted like a dorky little brother most of the time, but Dean was proud of the man Sam was quickly becoming. He finished highschool at the end of the year in four months time, and the looming thought made Dean nervous, even more nervous than the impending baby. Sam had already sent out several college applications with the help of his teachers, Sam was valedictorian and they were happy to help, everyone who knew Sam knew he was going places. Even Jess, who was miraculously still his girlfriend, was a straight A student, top of most of her classes and had already gotten acceptance letters from a few colleges. Dean hoped they ended up going to the same college, those two were meant to be together.

Sam had never brought Jess to the house, never had her inside before he and Dean did their DIY renovations. For the same reasons Dean had never had Cas inside, the air stank of tragedy and dispair in the old house, it wasn't a place to bring someone you really cared about. But she knew their story, and she had understood, always having Sam at her place or somewhere else entirely. Since their renovations though, in the last couple of weeks the couple had taken to studying at the boys house, probably because of lack of parental supervision, but Dean didn't care. He enjoyed getting to know Jessica a little better and quickly made sure to let Sam know he'd kick his little brothers ass if he messed it up with her.

Dean did well with his one drink, the beer was soothing but not in the way that scratched his itch, in the way that a cold beer is always soothing when paired with a hearty burger after a hard days work. He and Sam agreed they would never have alcohol in the house anymore in any case, and Dean was not to go to bars alone. Not that he went to bars at all anymore anyway, he had no friends. Now that Dean had his job back, he started saving everything he earned again, he had a baby to prepare for after all. 

It was less than a fortnight later that Dean was in a tiny room at a clinic in the city. Lisa was on the bed next to him, draped in a paper hospital gown with the bottom lifted to her chest, her small swollen belly exposed and being prodded with the ultrasound wand. Dean watched the screen in amazement as the fuzzy black and white picture of a tiny, barely grown baby appeared. Then the nurse pressed a button on the screen and the room was filled with the sound of being underwater, when your ears fill with rushing waves. The noise was punctured by the sound of throbbing, a pulsing beat giving rhythm to the waves. 

"That's a healthy heart beat." The nurse said.

Deans heart was in his throat. He could see his baby. His unborn child with it's fingers and toes and beating heart that he could actually hear. Whatever was wrong between he and Lisa didn't matter, whether they could make it work didn't matter. He would be a better man, a better father, than either of his parents, and he was going to do right by his child. Maybe once he figured out how to do that, he could figure out how to do right by everyone else too, Lisa, his brother, even Cas.

He and Lisa went for lunch after the scan, Lisa was going all out on the healthy eating for the baby so they went to some vegetarian cafe not far away. Dean didn't like the look of anything on the menu and ordered a bowl of fries while Lisa got a salad. 

"Lis, I think we need to have a talk."

"About how you don't want to be together?"

Dean squinted at her, his mouth slightly open.

"How-"

"Come on Dean, we've haven't exactly had what you might call a healthy relationship. And granted, pretty much all of that is on me. But, you have to admit that you never really loved me either."

"You don't sound mad."

"Because I'm not. It's been coming for a long time, I could feel it, you could feel it. I don't need you to be with me to be there for the baby. You don't have to be a boyfriend to be a dad. To be honest I've been waiting to hear you've ditched any day now."

"Lisa I wouldn't do that to my own kid."

"Maybe. But, after what happened to you with your mom and me with my dad, I'm not taking any chances. I've talked my dad into buying me a half decent apartment in the city. And while you were sobering up, I've been studying."

"Studying? You?"

"Yes you ass. I enrolled in a childcare course. I've always loved kids, and at the rate I'm going I'll be a fully qualified preschool teacher before the baby comes. There's half a dozen preschools within walking distance of the apartment dad got me, all of them short staffed. I'll have job security and I'll be able to take the baby to work with me."

"You're preparing to be a single mom."

"Can you blame me?"

"No. No I'm... I'm impressed. I think this is the most... grown up I've ever seen you."

"Thanks... I think."

Lisa laughed and Dean smiled. If Lisa had even a little bit of her mother in her, she was going to be fine.

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

"I want to be involved Lis I don't want to be the stranger who lives half an hour away the kid never sees."

"As long as you stay sober I won't limit your visitation, you can come see us whenever you like and we can work out later how often you want to take the baby at your house."

"Okay, thank you."

Their food came then and they ate their lunch in mutual silence. When they finished, paid, and went to leave, Dean wasn't looking where he was going and bumped into a tiny figure coming through the door.

"Woah! Sorry man I... Kevin?"

"Dean? What're you doing here?"

"Having lunch with Lisa. What're you doing here?"

"Having lunch with my mom. I got a long weekend off so came to visit."

"Oh, cool, good for you man."

Dean grinned and slapped him on the shoulder. Dean turned to leave when Kevins hand on his arm made him stop.

"Dean, I know this is none of my business, but, well Cas told me what happened. Are you okay?"

"Are you asking for you or Cas?"

"I'm asking because I care. I'm your friend too you know. I know we were never that close because you and Cas always had that... weird profound bond you had. But I do give a damn."

"Oh. Uh, I'm good. I'm... better than I have been in... ever, actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah! I dried up, got my job back. I'm good, you don't have to worry about me, and neither does Cas."

"Alright, take care Dean."

"Yeah, you too."

Kevin went to sit with his mom and Dean walked back to the Impala. He had forgotten it was a long weekend. Bobby had even given him Saturday off because he finished everything up on Friday. It was still midday Saturday and he didn't have to be back until Tuesday. Dean sat in the drivers seat and waved at Lisa as she drove past. He pulled out his phone and called Sam.

"What's up?"

"Hey Sammy are you gonna be okay if I disappear for a couple days?"

"Depends, is it for a bender?"

"I'm going for a drive. To KSU."

Dean could hear Sam chuckling on the other end.

"Have fun Dean."

His little brother hung up and Dean smiled. He turned Black Sabbath up loud and peeled away in the direction of the university.


	3. The Conversation

Dean had memorised Castiels class schedule when he was there for his birthday, so he knew that by the time the Impala pulled up to the parking lot later that afternoon, Cas was in his English Lit lecture. Dean found the classroom and set himself up beside the door, leaning back against the wall with his hands in his jacket pockets. He found himself grateful that the class was due to end any minute now, he could already feel the nerves and doubt clawing at his resolve as he waited. 

Sure enough, several long moments later, the doors opened and students came pouring out, chatting away in their pairs and groups. When the droves subsided, a few students were still lingering, there was a group of girls talking about meeting at some party that night, and about five others swapping notes. Behind them, facing Dean, was Meg. She was talking animatedly to someone who had his back to Dean, but who Dean would recognise blindfolded. He made eye contact with Meg who abruptly stopped talking, raised an eyebrow and flicked her head towards Dean as a gesture to Cas.

When Castiel turned around Dean watched him take a second to see Dean through the people. He watched him freeze, and his eyes blow wide. It took a few seconds for the shock to be absorbed and in that instant the widest smile Dean had ever seen broke over Castiels face. Cas dropped his bag at Megs feet and half ran towards Dean, embracing him so tightly Dean lost most of the air from his lungs. Or maybe that was just the effect Cas had when he hugged Dean. It didn't matter, Cas gripped the back of Deans jacket in both hands and Dean buried his face in Cas' neck, inhaling the scent of his hair and his skin, a scent Dean hadn't realised he had gotten addicted to over the years.

This time, neither bothered counting the seconds. Neither were bothered by how long the embrace was taking, worrying about making the other uncomfortable by breaking social regulations. They just held each other, for the first time with no misunderstanding about where the other stood, about their real feelings for one another. By the time Cas felt comfortable that Dean wasn't going to vanish into thin air as soon as he let go, he pulled himself off the man, lingering a hand on his shoulder for a moment as he took in Deans face. He looked so different to when they last saw each other, when Dean had looked like he crawled out of hell, standing on his doorstep telling Cas his life had fallen apart. Dean looked good, phenomenal in fact. 

"What are you doing here?"

"What, I can't take a quick road trip to see my best friend?"

"Dean, after what happened, I didn't know if I would ever see you again."

"I know. I was an asshole. I'm sorry. But hey, we have a lot to talk about. Can I take you to dinner?"

"Are you... asking me on-"

"No, I'm not asking you on a date Cas, I think we're a little beyond that now, don't you? I just want to get dinner with my friend, talk things out. Is that okay?"

Cas smiled a huge, genuine smile.

"I'd love that."

He picked up his backpack he hadn't noticed Meg had left for him. Now that he looked around, everyone else had cleared out too, leaving the two boys alone. They walked together to Deans car and slipped into their old favourite positions, Dean revving the engine and Cas getting comfortable in shotgun. 

"Craving anything in particular?" Dean asked.

"No, I don't care where we go."

"Burgers it is."

They pulled up to a burger and beer joint not far away, finding a booth away from most of the other customers so they wouldn't be shy about being overheard. Dean ordered for both of them before fixing Cas with a warm smile from across the table. The way Dean was looking at him made Cas squirm and made his heart bloom. He could feel the deep blush travelling up his neck and staining his cheeks, the look on Dean was so new, so different, and it took Cas a minute to figure out why. He had dropped his mask. He wasn't pretending to look at Cas as a friend anymore, he was laid bare. His true affection naked in the way his eyes shone and his lips turned and his chest heaved with breath like he was struggling to find enough of it. Much the same way Cas was having trouble breathing being the subject of such raw emotion from someone like Dean Winchester. 

"You're looking much better Dean. What happened?"

"Everything. I told you about my parents, what happened there. When Lisa told me she was pregnant, I almost couldn't handle it you know. I thought, if there was ever a way out for me before, that's gone now. And I know that's really goddamn selfish, it's not anymore Lisa's fault than it is mine, and it sure as hell isn't the kids. I came to terms with it, I accepted that this was what was gonna happen. I guess even then, I still had this hope in the back of my mind that you would come back, and it would make everything okay."

"Then I told you about Samandriel."

"Yeah. If I was the camels back, that was the straw that broke me. I turned to the only thing I knew, you know? I tried to pretend to you that everything was okay, I didn't want to drag you into my shitshow. Then you showed up, and seeing you there... Cas you were so worried, someone as amazing as you caring so much for a fuck up like me, I couldn't take it. I couldn't hold it in anymore, it was killing me, hiding my feelings for you and pretending everything was okay, it was tearing me apart and I couldn't do it anymore."

Dean looked on the verge of tears as he recounted the events from his point of view, Cas wasn't faring much better having to hear them. Luckily they were interrupted by the waitress bringing their drinks and they were both given a moment to compose themselves. 

"So what happened after I left?"

"That night, I got messed up, me and Sam fought about it, and I hurt him. I hurt him Cas, just like my dad used to. I became a monster like him."

"Dean, that's not possible. You could never become that man."

"But I did. Even if it was just for a moment, I did, and that was my wake up call. I got sober, I fixed up the house, I got my job back, fixed up Baby. I got myself right, like I promised you I would." 

"Dean... You never cease to amaze me."

"Your message helped me more than you could know. To know that I was still welcome here, with you. It took a lot off my shoulders, off my conscience. Thank you."

"I meant it, every word."

"I know. That's why I'm here. I thought it was finally time we had this conversation. I think it's long overdue, don't you?"

"I do. But I have to ask, what about Lisa, the baby?"

"Me and Lisa have an understanding. There's no way I'm shirking on the whole dad thing, but we both know we're never going to work together. She's actually really stepped up in the responsibility department, her and that baby are gonna be just fine no matter what I'm doing."

"So here you are."

"So here I am."

"What do you want from me exactly Dean?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I know these feelings I have for you have been there a long time, and they're not going away any time soon. I know that I want to explore those feelings further, I want us to be an US, if that's what you want. But if we can't, or if we won't, I don't want you out of my life. I can't. I've tried, and I can't. Even if we have to stay friends, there ain't no me if there ain't no you."

"I want the same thing. I want us to be US. But, things are so much more complicated now. When I've finished here I'm considering travel, I want to see some of the world before I take a job. And where that job will be and what I'll be writing I have no idea. Sam will be finishing the same time as me and I assume he still wants to attend Stanford, that's quite a drive from Kansas. How are you going to juggle looking out for Sam, caring for a child and being okay with whatever it is I'll be doing? How could we possibly make that work?"

"I don't know. And frankly, I don't want to think about it. Because there's too much we don't know, there's too much in the air right now to make any solid plans. All I know is you will be a part of those plans, how big a part is up to you." 

Cas reached across the table where Dean had his hands folded in front of him and gently pried one hand free, holding it in his so his intentions could not be mistaken. 

"I'm never leaving you behind again."

Dean smiled again with misty eyes as he squeezed Cas' hand back. The waitress appeared with their food and the boys let each other go, digging into their food in comfortable silence. They slowed down as they lazily dragged their last few fries through the tomato sauce on the plate, munching them down and washing it back with their beer. Dean ordered another drink each and the waitress took their dishes away.

"Dean, there's something I need to tell you."

"What?"

"The morning after prom, I didn't push you away because I didn't want you, I pushed you away because you were drunk and I didn't want to take advantage."

"...Really?"

"Really. I'm sorry I never properly explained..."

"I'm gonna stop you right there, we were both dishonest about how we felt for a long time, we start apologising for it and we'll never stop."

"I guess you're right. May I ask, when did you know?"

"Like, know for sure?"

"Yes."

"Probably when I caught a glimpse of you jacking it from my bedroom window."

Cas choked on his drink, almost spitting it out.

"What?!"

"Yeah. That was hot, thanks for that."

"Oh my god."

Cas went bright red and covered his face with his hands, Dean laughed.

"What about you? When did you know?"

"I think I knew long before I admitted it to myself. I remember one day in sophomore year, you had spent the morning taking Sam to a fair, you had just been given the Impala and you loved it so much you took any excuse to drive her, so even though the fair was easily within walking distance you drove there. I saw you from my bedroom window, you were so happy and excited to leave. Then when you got back Sam had his arms full of things you had won for him, he'd had a great time. I thought you were adorable, the way you fawned over that car, the way you looked after your little brother. Then that afternoon, you decided to give her a tune up, and you spent hours in your driveway, shirtless, greased up, singing terribly to a Metallica cassette tape. I just watched you the entire time, totally entranced."

"Wow Cas, way to make me sound like a pervert."

Cas burst out laughing.

"It's okay, I imagine liking women allowed you to suppress everything much more successfully than me. Attraction to men probably came on very suddenly."

"You."

"What?"

"Attraction to you. Not men. I mean I notice when men are good looking, sure. But I would never consider dating one of them just because. I have feelings for you because of who you are, not because of some sexuality epiphany. It's only you Castiel, above anyone, gender be damned."

"Well now I look like the pervert."

Dean laughed and the sound was music to Cas' ears, as was the sound of Dean using his full name, for some reason it felt so intimate, so special when Dean was the one saying it.

"I think we should get out of here, I have class early." Cas said reluctantly.

"Yeah I've gotta drive back, don't wanna spend my only day off tomorrow driving."

"Are you sure? You could stay."

"No I think we've had enough relationship leaps for one night. If it's okay with you, I'd like to take this slow, since neither of us really know what this is or where it's going."

"Of course, I agree."

"Come on, I'll drop you back to campus."

They paid for their meals and got back in the Impala, the atmosphere strangely the same as it always had been, with a tinge of something different underneath. They still had the same relaxed, genuine atmosphere they always had around each other, but now, with everything in the open, it felt deeper. It felt more electric, it felt lighter and faster and crazier. It felt like they went from standing together through a thunderstorm, to riding the storm itself. Cas had never felt a thrill like it before. 

Dean parked up at the campus and they both got out, Cas going for one last hug before Dean left again. When they pulled away however, Cas let an insane idea come to him. Something he had always wanted to do, but never thought would be possible, was now suddenly possible. Cas felt his heart pounding from his chest as instead of turning to walk away, he cupped Deans cheek with one hand, and met his lips with a kiss that sent fireworks through his entire body. 

Dean took a moment, frozen in surprise at Castiels forwardness. Then he remembered that this was okay now, Cas was the one kissing him, they had no more secrets between them, it was really okay now. After he had his moment, Cas felt Dean relax into the kiss, moving his lips in sync with Cas', eventually giving way to Cas' gently probing tongue. Dean tasted exquisite, Cas was instantly addicted to the taste of Dean, the softness of his lips, the way his breath hitched and let out tiny moans of bliss. Castiel was in heaven, kissing Dean was more divine than he ever could have imagined and he wished it never had to end. 

After an untold number of minutes just kissing against the Impala, Dean finally pulled away.

"What's wrong?" Cas asked.

"Nothing's wrong." Dean huffed a laugh, "everything is perfect. But if we keep this up much longer this is going to go way further than either of us are ready for right now."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I just... After all this time, it's hard to believe I'm really here, kissing you. I'm scared I'm going to wake up and this was all a dream."

"Yeah, me too. Hey, tell you what."

Dean let go of where he was holding Cas' hips and stretched his hands behind his neck. After some fumbling, he managed to take off the pendant necklace he always wore, the one he said Sam had gotten him for Christmas when they were kids. He held it out and stretched the cord over Castiels head, tightening the back and settling the pendant at Cas' collarbone next to the angel wings.

"Hey, you still have those."

"Yes, I never really take them off since you gave them to me. After my last visit, I actually drove out to that lake where we spent my birthday and threw it in the water."

"Really? Why?"

"Because I could never have you, it hurt. But after I left that message, I felt naked. I went back and spent a whole day in the water looking for it. Didn't come back until I found it."

"Well, now when you wake up, you'll have this too, and you'll know it wasn't a dream. And I'll wake up without it and know I wasn't dreaming either."

"Call me, when you can."

"Promise."

"Goodnight Dean."

"Night Cas."

Dean smiled with that naked smile one more time as he climbed back in his seat. Cas watched him drive away before fingering the two pendants now next to each other, grinning like an idiot the whole walk back to his room.


	4. The Date

When Cas had flopped into bed after his night with Dean, he didn't sleep for hours. His mind kept replaying their kiss on a continuous loop, keeping his heart pounding and his mouth grinning. When he finally did sleep, his mind gave him an old favourite fantasy, one where Cas was pinning Dean down on the bed and ravishing him mercilessly. The first thing he became aware of the next morning was the overtired throb in his skull and the weight of his eyelids. The second thing was the sticky mess making his boxers wildly uncomfortable. Cas grimaced, he hadn't had a wet dream in years, one kiss from Dean and he's sixteen all over again. As much as he wanted to ignore the light piercing the skin of his eyelids, Cas remembered he had a class that morning and pried them open with great effort. The first sight he was met with was the huge and grinning face of Gabriel only inches from his nose. Cas jumped back in fright, his hammering heart doing a good job of waking him fully.

"Gabe what the hell?!"

"Morning sunshine."

"You scared the crap out of me!"

"Yeah, well, now we're even."

"What? What did I do to you?!"

Cas clutched his chest and sat up to slow his breathing while Gabe sat on the edge of the bed.

"You turned your phone off dumbass."

"No I didn't, it died."

"Well next time you run off with Dean, do me a favour and give me a goddamn call."

Gabe was starting to sound genuinely angry and upset, Cas didn't know whether to get defensive or feel guilty.

"Meg told you."

"Of course she told me. She told me Dean showed up out of the blue, you two clung to each other like sexually charged magnets and she had to leave."

"So what's the problem?"

"I didn't say anything to the girls because I didn't want to worry them, but they weren't here, Cas. They haven't been living with you and your broken heart the past couple of months, nay, years. They don't know how bad you really were, but I do. The last time you saw Dean, you were a complete mess. Then Meg tells me he's back, I have no context for why and you won't answer your phone? I was terrified you had gone to drown yourself or something."

Cas lowered his gaze to the patch of blanket directly below him. He felt terrible. He had no idea Gabe would worry for him like that, or that just disappearing with Dean for a night would send him into a frenzy. Gabriel really was the big brother Cas had been missing his entire life.

"I'm sorry. Truely. I never considered you would worry so much, I promise it won't happen again."

"Seeing Dean won't happen again or making me crap my pants won't happen again?"

"Making you worry."

"Oh. So you will be seeing Dean again?"

Gabriel's mood shifted visibly as his face morphed from a furrowed scowl into a cheeky smirk, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively. Cas couldn't help but grin widely.

"Yes, I think so. We went to a bar last night and had dinner, talked. We sorted through some things that neither of us have been honest about before now."

"...And?"

"And we acknowledged our feelings for each other and agreed that with everything happening right now we can't set anything in cement, we'll have to play it by ear."

"...AND?!"

"And... I kissed him."

"YES! THAT'S MY BOY!"

"It was just one kiss Gabriel."

"Did he kiss you back?"

"Yes."

"How was it?"

"It was... Better than I could have imagined."

"God finally. I was getting worried there."

"About what?"

"That I'd be out fifty bucks. I'm gonna go collect from the girls, back in a jiffy."

Gabriel leaped off the bed and was out the door before Cas could process what he said, frowning at the empty room before puffing out a breath. For fucks sake, of course they put bets down. Cas laughed to himself and then remembered how gross he was feeling, taking advantage of Gabriel's absence to have a nice quiet shower, relaxing into the steaming hot water like he did as a teenager.

Cas walked through the next two weeks in a dream, always fondling the twin pendants at his throat to remind himself everything that happened was real. Friday after class, Cas found a flyer for a pub quizz night that Saturday, they even had a guest bartender for the night, some formula one race car driver. Cars immediately made Cas think of Dean, and figured this was the perfect excuse. He whipped out his phone and text his favourite person.

\--so there is a quizz night at a bar off campus on Saturday.

\--in other words you'll take any excuse to see me again? :p

\--yes, I would. But they have a guest race car driver bartending, so I think its fair to assume the questions will be mostly car themed. I'm sure we could win with you on our team.

\--what's the prize?

\--$500 bar tab

\--awesome, who's the guest?

\--Brady something.

\--Tyson Brady?!

\--yeah that's the one. You know him?

\--I'll be there tonight, see you soon.

\--haha okay, see you.

Cas laughed at Deans enthusiasm and wondered if he was going to have to fight this Brady guy for Deans attention. He decided against it, if Dean wanted to fanboy over the driver Cas wasn't going to stop him, if anything it was probably going to be adorable to watch him fluster and stutter his way to ordering a drink. Then it clicked, Dean was coming. Tonight. Just like that, a big ball of anxious nerves twisted at Castiels stomach and he practically sprinted back to his room. Gabriel was already in there, Meg passing Cas on her way out, apparently the couple had used Castiels class time to their advantage. Cas threw his backpack on his bed and quickly started rummaging around the floor, picking up rubbish by the fistful and shoving it hurredly into the bin.

"Woah, slow down amigo, the queen coming or something?"

"No, Dean is. I invited him to this, like an idiot. And now he's coming here tonight."

Cas shoved the flyer in Gabe's hand and continued picking up rubbish, mostly candy packets Gabe had left lying around.

"Ho damn! You know I love me a good quiz night. So Deans coming, that's awesome, isn't it?"

"Yes, yes it's fantastic. Except this place is a mess and I'm a mess and I have no plans for when he's here and I don't even know what we are to each other and what if we kiss again or if we go further I don't-"

"Woah! Okay slow down! Alright take a breath, Castiel breath with me, one... two... nice and slow, that's it."

Gabe had taken a knee and put his hand on Cas' shoulder to make him pay attention. When Cas had calmed down somewhat Gabe sat back on his heels and fixed Cas with his big-brother-means-business-so-you-have-to-listen stare.

"Now, listen to me. Dean isn't coming here for some stupid quiz, he's coming here to see you. He doesn't care about anything else. I will help you clean this place up, and as for the rest, Cas you said you guys agreed to take it slow, that means that he probably won't push for anything, and if you do go further, make sure you're sober. You don't want to sully that moment, trust me."

"Okay, okay. Tell me what to do."

"First things first, get this place spick and span. Do the girls know about the quiz night?"

"Uh, no, no I haven't told them yet."

"Okay, you make that phone call, I'll finish what you started here."

Cas nodded, his panic somewhat relieved but mostly just reduced to a simmering anxiety. Charlie and Meg were happy to come along that night but had their own plans for dinner and agreed to meet later. When Cas told Gabe it would just be the boys until later he looked at Cas horrified, like Cas had just strangled a kitten in front of him.

"Castiel, lord knows I love you, but sometimes you are as dull as a plank of wood."

"What do you mean?"

"I get that you and Dean are taking things slow and aren't any kind of tangible 'thing' yet, but you're really gonna pass this opportunity up?"

"You're really gonna have to elaborate."

"Dean will be here tonight, there's no chance of the girls interferring, I have no intention of being a third wheel, we're all meeting in town later anyway..."

Gabriel turned his hands in a rolling motion with his eyebrows raised, trying to get Cas to click to what he was suggesting on his own. When all Cas did was squint and tilt his head in confusion Gabe gave up, dramatically flopping his arms and sighing.

"Take him to dinner doofus!"

"Oh. Oh!"

"Yes! There it is!"

"But, what about you?"

"I'm a big boy Cas I can take care of myself, don't try to use me an excuse to bail."

"But, isn't that a little presumptuous?"

"Well there's only one way to find out."

Gabe handed Cas his phone with a pointed look. Castiels hands were shaking slightly as he took it and dialled Deans number, taking a deep, not actually all that calming breath as it rang.

"Heya Cas, what's up? I'm already on the road so I hope we're still on for that quiz?"

"Y-yea, yes! Yes that's definitely still on."

"Ooookay. Why the call then, you sound a little weird everything okay?"

Cas hesitated as the panic started to spike, he looked at Gabriel to save him, Gabriel pointed at the phone with enthusiasm, knotting a frown and silently yelling at Cas 'ASK HIM TO DINNER'.

"Cas? Buddy what's going on?"

Cas took another deep inhale and before he could release it and chicken out he rambled off all in one breath that was barely understandable,

"The others already have their own plans so can I take you to dinner?"

"Dinner? You mean like burgers like we did last time?"

"No. No. I'm... I'm asking you. I want to take you to dinner, as a date."

Cas held his breath as there was a long stretch of silence on the other end. In reality it was more like four seconds but to Cas it was four hours."

"I'd love that."

"...Really?"

"Well yeah Cas, I thought I made that obvious last time. I didn't know if you would be up to making that step you know, thought I'd leave the ball in your court."

"Oh. Well, I got the ball. I'm running with it."

"You don't run with the ball on a court Cas, in, like, any court based game ever."

"Well we'll consider ourselves lucky the quiz isn't on sports then."

Dean laughed heartily down the phone and Cas broke a toothy grin at the sound.

"Okay well I'll be there around... Seven thirty I think. I'll meet you in my usual parking space?"

"Sounds great, um, I'll see you then."

"See you soon angel."

Dean hung up and Cas pulled the phone away from his ear, staring dumbfounded at the waiting Gabriel.

"He'll be here at seven thirty for our date."

"Yes! I hate to say I told you so, but that would be a lie because I love to say I told you so. Ha!"

"Well I'm glad you're feeling victorious because I think my nerves just doubled themselves over so many times it's created a black hole in my stomach."

"You've still got three hours Cas. Okay? We're good. Now let's finish cleaning this place up, then we plan."

The boys got the room as spotless as it had been when they first moved in, not a state it saw very often with two young men living there. Cas changed all his bedding and Gabe huffed a laugh at him while he opened a window to get some fresh air flowing.

"What's funny?"

"You planning to need fresh sheets Novak?"

"It's not like that. I'm just being thorough."

"Yeah sure, whatever you say."

Gabriel smirked at him and Cas frowned back, repeating to himself in his own head that Gabe was wrong, he was just being thorough. If they were doing a spring clean anyway he might as well right? When was the last time he washed his sheets anyway? Gabe was being ridiculous.

"Alright, you got two hours left, you go shower, take your time do all the grooming you need to no skipping out on the manscaping, I'll go run this laundry downstairs."

Cas rolled his eyes but thanked Gabe anyway, he grabbed a towel and jumped in the shower. He was glad for the excuse really, he needed the shower to calm his nerves and collect his thoughts almost more than to actually get clean. Cas got all the practical stuff done first, washing his hair, his body, maybe doing a bit of manscaping that he would not be admitting to Gabriel later.

Cas leaned his hands against the wall so the water was running over his head and down his back. He took several deep breaths and let himself examine the fact that he had a real date with Dean tonight. He already knew where he wanted to take him, somewhere he thought Dean might really like. When his mind started wandering to the quiz, and then after the quiz, what could happen... He stopped himself. He turned the water off before his body could betray him and stepped out. 

Cas dried off and slipped on his boxers, wiping the steam from the mirror so he could brush his teeth and trim his facial hair. He made sure to leave a slight stubble, he personally thought he looked good with it, and had been told so by Charlie and Meg before too. He hoped Dean liked it. Cas combed his hair back, not that it ever mattered, he knew by the time Dean got there it would be dry and wild again. Cas even went so far as to quickly run a sandboard over the edges of his fingernails and clip his toenails. He moisterised his face and soaked his underarms with an odorless deodorant that nullified any chance of him sweating through his shirt tonight no matter how nervous he was. He finished his touch ups with just a tiny dab of leather scented cologne to his neck. Cas was completely sure he had never groomed himself so much in his life.

By the time he stepped out, Gabriel wasn't back yet. Cas thought there must be a line for the laundry until he spotted a hastily scribbled note sitting on his now emaculately made bed.

'Cas  
Light the candle when you read this, snuff it out before Dean gets there. I've picked your clothes for you so don't stress. Ive also left some goodies in your draw just in case. I'll be chilling with the girls, have fun tonight, see you at quiz.  
Best roommate ever, Gabriel.'

Cas looked up at the big red candle sitting on his bedside table. He picked it up to give it a scent test, it smelled like cherry pie. Goddamnit Gabe was good. Cas used the lighter they kept around for emergencies to light it and let the delicious scent fill the room. He opened the top draw and found a variety of condoms and anal lube along with a packet of wet wipes. Gabriel was also very bad, one of the reasons Cas loved him. On Castiels bed was laid out an entire outfit, reminding him of prom night when he arrived at Charlie's. He had a pair of cream coloured chinos with black belt and shoes, a baby blue T-shirt and a dark blue, buttonless casual suit jacket. Cas decided to wait the hour and really put that deodorant to the test before getting dressed.

After sitting around in his underwear distracting himself with study for seventy five minutes, Cas sucked it up and finally got dressed. When he checked himself out in the full length mirror, he really had to hand it to Gabe, the guy knew how to dress. Cas ran his hands through his hair but as predicted, it was untamable. He hoped that was one of the things Dean liked about him. Cas got the text message five minutes later that Dean had arrived and was waiting for him. Cas took a deep breath, quickly checking himself over one more time in the mirror before snuffing out the candle, grabbing his effects and locking the door behind him.

Cas had thought that surely, by this point Dean had run out of ways to take his breath away. He was wrong. When Cas found the Impala in the parking lot, and Dean leaning casually against the drivers side door just like he used to when they were teenagers, Castiel felt his knees wobble and his heart melt. Dean was freshly donned in a brand new pair of dark blue jeans that showed off his incredible ass and the kink of his bowlegs. He had a dark green button down casual shirt tucked into his pants so you could see the brown belt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a light grey waistcoat that hugged his form magnificently was where he tucked the tails of the black tie snugly windsored around his neck. His hair was perfect, his brown workboots freshly cleaned and his stubble stylishly trimmed. 

Cas stopped in his tracks and just stared at Dean taking him all in. By chance, Dean finally looked up and saw Cas. He stood up straight and raked his eyes over Castiel with as much admiration as he himself was receiving. 

"Cas... Wow. You uh... You look-"

Dean didn't get to finish the sentance as Cas threw control out the window and surged forward, wrapping his arms around Dean and pulling him in by the small of his back so he could taste the mans lips. Castiel kissed Dean with such unbridled fervour he didn't care about anything else, that they were in the parking lot, that they had a date, that they were supposed to be taking it slow. Because Dean was kissing him back, and Dean was pulling Cas in with one hand on Cas' hip and other with his fingers threaded through Cas' hair. Their tongues danced and Dean moaned and Cas lost the will to live in a world where he wasn't kissing Dean like this every single day. 

When Dean moaned a second time, louder and more desperate this time, he gently put a hand to Cas' shoulder and parted them. 

"Well hello to you to."

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself."

"Yeah, me neither. But I think we should probably get to that dinner before I get a serious code red in my pants."

Cas laughed and kissed Dean chastly one more time before rounding the car to his side.

"Okay, lets go."

Cas directed Dean through the city streets, eventually parking outside a small Moroccan restaurant. There was hardly anyone else there at the time and they got a table straight away, the waitress seating them in a cozy corner outside next to some coloured fairy lights that weaved through the branches of palm trees. The outdoor area was surrounded by a shoulder height wall made of the same sandstone as the rest of the building, it was topped with a thick line of ferns also strung with fairy lights. A fountain was in the centre of the large patio, it's quiet rushing adding ambience with the low and soothing music. The garden stones were dotted with cute coloured lanterns and the tables with lit candles that gave the whole place a fantastical fairyland type vibe, like they had their own private spot in a fantasy book. 

"Cas this place is amazing, how did you find it?"

"I've made it a point since living here to never eat at the same place twice, I've tried most of restaurants in the city and kept a sort of journal rating my experience so I know which ones to go back to."

"Wow. Sounds exhausting. You could've just left a yelp review."

"Those ratings are for other peoples benefit, this was for mine."

"Fair point. What did you write about this place?"

"This reatuarant became, and remains, my number one. So far as I've experienced, this is the best restaurant in the city. The atmosphere is storybook, the service finds the perfect balance between efficient professional and family friendly, and the food is so delicious it's the kind of meal you never forget eating."

"Holy crap Cas that's one hell of a review."

"In the back of my mind I always thought that if I ever got to take you on a date, just one, I would take you here. Hm. I never thought I would get the chance."

"Well, here I am."

Dean smirked and fixed Cas with a devilish stare, the one that was part seduction, part challenge, and it made Cas glad he was sitting down or his knees would be trembling. He was saved from drooling all over himself when the waitress came back with their menus and a bottle of water. They studied their selections and ordered their meals and accompanying beers, when the waitress took off and they were left in silence, Cas made the mistake of looking up at Dean. The man was just staring at Cas, staring with a tiny smile and glistening eyes, eyes open and vunerable and showing the raw truth of how he was really seeing Cas. Dean looking at him like that made Cas blush hotly, but seeing the red creep up Castiels neck and stain his cheeks only served to warm Deans heart more and his smile widened.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I can. Because you're beautiful Cas and I don't have to pretend you're not anymore."

"If I'm beautiful then you're Audrey Hepburn."

Dean laughed and it finally broke their emotional tension. They spent the next three hours talking animatedly, laughing and telling stories and reminiscing. When Dean took the first bite of his meal he closed his eyes and moaned aloud, chewing slowly on every mouthful to make it last. Cas watched with absolute joy, extatic Dean enjoyed it as much as he did. He just loved to see Dean happy, and if tonight was any indication, Dean would be developing laugh lines around his eyes a little early in life, and Cas was determined to be the one to make that happen. 

When time came to leave, Cas paid and they walked out sadly and slowly, not willing to leave behind the memories of their bloated bellies and satisfied tastebuds, or the private paradise that had been theirs for a couple of hours. They got back in the Impala and Cas showed Dean where the bar was where they would be meeting everyone. Cas didn't care about the quiz at all really, ending the night there would leave it on the best possible note, but Dean was excited to meet the race driver bartending, and he had promised his friends. They found Gabe and the girls immediately, Dean going to order a drink for himself and Cas while Cas sat with his friends. 

"So? How'd it go?!" Charlie was practically jumping from her seat for gossip as soon as Dean was out of earshot.

"It was perfect. It was better than I could have hoped."

"Yes! Pay up fellas."

Gabe and Meg grunted and both handed twenty dollars to Charlie's open palm.

"You bet against me?!" Cas asked the losers.

"I bet you would get so nervous you would screw it up, she bet you wouldn't make it to dinner because you'd be having sex in the backseat." Gabe said.

"Thanks for your faith, both of you really!"

"Hey, what'd I miss?" Dean asked as he sat next to Cas, setting their drinks down in front of them.

"Oh nothing much. How are you Dean?" Charlie asked coyly.

"I'm good, I got to meet Tyson Brady thirty seconds ago so I'm really, really freakin good."

"The racer right? No offense I thought he was kind of a d-bag." Meg stated.

"What? No! The guy was really cool, got my drink real fast and everything."

"Yeah, sure." 

Meg side eyed Gabe but otherwise they kept quiet, Cas got the feeling there was more information there but he wasn't about to ask for it. A few minutes later the tiny bell rang out through the bar to indicate the quiz was about to begin. They did really well the first round, coming second for general knowledge, then won the second round for pop culture, because of course they did, they had Charlie on their team. Dean kept going back to the bar for his and Cas' drinks, Cas thought it was just so he had an excuse to fanboy over the driver and he chuckled at how cute Dean was being. 

They played the third round which was all the car questions, which Dean could have apparently done in his sleep. They finished the quiz with the most points and won a tiny silver beer bottle trophy as well as free drinks for their team for the remainder of the night. They used their free drinks well, especially Gabe, Meg and Charlie. Cas didn't go too hard on it, he wanted to remember this night in the morning, especially the part with dinner. He suspected Dean felt the same since he only kept pace with Cas and they both got happily tipsy even though Cas knew Dean had a much better constitution for alcohol. 

They played pool and darts and Dean won almost every time, the only one to beat him was Meg and that came at no surprise to anyone. Sometime between midnight and two am they decided to call it a night, Gabe called a cab and they were all waiting on the curb when Dean piped up so quickly it gave Cas a fright. 

"Crap! I forgot to ask Brady for a picture, be right back!"

Cas laughed and watched Dean run back inside. He watched Dean through the large front window as Dean approached the bar and asked for the picture. He saw Brady smile and pass through the narrow gap to the customer side and put his arm around Deans shoulder as Dean held his phone up for a selfie. Dean was grinning like an idiot and it made Cas smile that he had a good night. The camera clicked and Dean lowered his arm to check the picture, that's when Cas saw Brady's arm slide down from Deans shoulder to squeeze his ass. 

Cas froze. He saw Dean freeze. Then Brady was rushing into Deans space and forcing a kiss on Deans lips. Cas still couldn't move, only look on in horror. He saw Dean snap out of it and push Brady away, Cas couldn't hear but it looked like Dean was shouting, then Brady was grabbing Dean by the shoulders and kissing him again, and this time Dean was struggling to get free. Nobody at the bar cared, if anything they were hooting for Brady to go on. That was what broke Cas. He felt a burning hot rage boiling from low in his gut and coursing through his body, it made his chest tighten and the muscles in his arms and legs tense up and feel lighter than air. He didn't feel much of anything really, nothing except the burn and the rage. 

Cas clenched his fists and burst through the door, he grabbed the struggling Dean by the back of the collar and yanked him backwards, ripping him from Bradys grip. Brady didn't even have time to look shocked before Castiels fist was connecting with his jaw so hard he went down like a sack of potatoes. Cas heard nothing, felt nothing as he straddled Bradys chest, his scruff gripped tight in one hand and the other leaving bruises and breaking bones on the racers face over and over again. Eventually Cas was being dragged backwards, pulled away by a set of hands on each arm. He didn't come back to reality until he was being thrown into the back of the cab and they were driving away. 

"Cas what the fuck was that?!" Gabe shouted, apparently it had been Gabe and Dean that pulled him off.

"Didn't you see what he was doing?!"

"No! We were looking out for the dam car what the fuck happened?!"

"He was assaulting me." Dean said calmly. His even tone went a long way to settling the high strung tension in the car.

"What do you mean?"

"He was assaulting me, and I couldn't get free. Cas was trying to help."

Gabe sighed and looked at Cas, took in the shell shocked expression on his face and the way Dean now gently cradled Cas' bleeding hand. He knew Cas would never beat another person to a pulp without damn good reason.

"I guess if it were Meg I would've done the same thing."

"Aw thanks sweetcheeks that makes me all tingly inside but I think we both know it would be me coming to your rescue."

"Can't argue that." Gabe smirked at Meg and she winked back at him. They spent the rest of the ride in a comfortable quiet, and when they got back to campus Gabe surprised Castiel with a hug.

"What's this for?" Cas asked over Gabe's shoulder.

"To make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You did the right thing."

Gabe let go of Cas and ruffled his hair affectionately.

"But seriously though that was super scary and never do it again."

Cas laughed and nodded, looking on confused as Gabe winked at him slyly then abruptly turned and ran to catch up with the girls who had already said goodnight and were on their way to their own room. 

"That man is one smart cookie. And he really cares about you Cas. It's good."

Dean smiled warmly at Cas and let him lead them both to Castiels room. Once inside Dean used a first aid kit to clean up Castiels hand, bandaging it and giving it a soft kiss when he was done. 

"Thank you, for rescuing me. Meg was right, that guy was a douchebag."

Dean huffed and pulled out his phone, deleting the picture they had taken together. 

"Hey, I got an idea." Dean said.

"What?"

"I don't want to let that bag of dicks ruin our night, we had our first real date. I think that deserves a picture right? Because I want to take pictures with you Cas. I want to take the kind of pictures we'll have framed and put on display in my house, I want us to have amazing nights like this together and cherish them. Maybe one day we'll even be able to go out together without getting into a fight."

Dean huffed a laugh, and Cas laughed bodily remembering what happened when Dean was there for his birthday. 

"That sounds perfect."

So they sat next to each other on the side of the bed, both using their phones to take several pictures of one another and together, pulling faces, being idiots. Then Cas held his camera up and took one where Dean quickly kissed him on the cheek. Cas had a huge gummy smile in the photo and kept smiling as he checked it then turned to show Dean. But Dean was looking at him that way again. His eyes were fixated on Castiels lips and he was so damn close Cas could feel the lightest hint of breath on his own skin. 

"Dean, please."

That was all Dean needed and he leaned in, gently capturing Castiels lips with his. It was just as glorious as Cas remembered and he tried to memorise every detail of how soft Deans lips were, the feel of his tongue in Castiels mouth, his taste of smouldering wood and whiskey. Cas was sure his heart was going to break free of his chest, his head became light and his body weightless as he was pumped with even more adrenaline than he had been during the fight.

Cas found himself winding Deans tie around his hand and using it as an anchor to pull Dean in by, in moments Dean had unbuttoned Castiels shirt and had it and the jacket discarded on the floor. Cas let go of the tie and deftly removed Deans vest and shirt, breaking away from their kiss only to stand up and take his own pants off. He watched Dean watching him as he loosened the tie and slipped it off, standing right in Castiels space to take his own pants off. 

They stood there in the moonlight, taking each other in. Their bodies both strong and toned, their smooth skin just waiting to be touched. Dean looked Castiel in the eyes and cupped his face with both hands, kissing him gently, slowly, languidly communicating what he struggled to say with words. After several minutes of kissing so sweet it melted Castiels insides, Dean broke away and pressed his for head against Cas'.

"God I want this so bad Cas."

"Me too."

"I just don't think we're ready for this yet."

"I know. I feel the same way. Will you stay with me?"

"Of course I will. There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Cas smiled and held Deans hand, leading him to the bed. Cas got in first and lay on his back, extending an arm for Dean who didn't hesitate to crawl under the covers and cuddle up to Castiels side, resting his head on Cas' chest. Cas curled his arm around Deans shoulders to hold him snugly, stroking his fingers up and down Deans bicep. 

"I never asked, was it okay for you to be drinking tonight?"

"You mean am I gonna go home tomorrow and down a liquor store?"

"Yeah."

"No Cas, I wasn't a drunk long enough to become a drunk, you know? I can still drink and have fun and know where my limits are. I have too much depending on me for me to be dependant on something so destructive."

"You're an amazing person Dean."

"Pfft. Okay buddy."

"And you have to go home tomorrow."

Dean propped his neck up so he could look Cas in the eye.

"Hey, it'll be okay. Not long now and you'll be out of here."

"And you'll be a dad."

"Not exactly how we pictured our lives is it?"

"Lying here half naked with Dean Winchester? If I'm honest I pictured this too many times to be healthy I just never thought it would happen."

Dean slapped him lightly on the stomach before resting his hand there instead and tracing tiny pictures on the gently undulating chest. 

"If I'm honest I did too. But this doesn't have to be it Cas. Despite all the crap I have to believe there's a way to make us work."

"So do I. Good night Dean."

"Night Cas."

Dean leaned down and kissed Cas softly, holding the sweet rush for only a few seconds before snuggling into Cas' side and relaxing completely. Cas fell asleep with Dean pressed against him and the smell of his hair filling his senses, there was no better way to fall asleep.


	5. The First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some smut for ya'll ;)

"Cas, Caaaas... Castiel... Wake up sleeping beauty."

Cas pried his eyes open as the sound of his name, the best sound in the world when it was being said in Deans voice. Dean was fully dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed, stroking his fingers softly through Castiels hair, a small, peaceful smile playing on his lips.

"Hey. You're going?"

"Yeah I have work tomorrow. Gotta get back to Sammy."

"Mmm or you could stay here stroking my hair forever."

Dean laughed and bent down to kiss Cas chastly.

"You're like an adorkable kitten you know that?"

"It wouldn't be the first time I've heard that comparison. You sure you can't stay a little longer?"

"Sorry sweetheart. Duty calls."

"Hm. Alright then, but you should probably take this back while you're here."

Cas sat up and wriggled free of the pendant necklace that Dean had lent him, lying on his side propped up by an elbow. Dean returned the necklace to its rightful place around his throat before turning back to Cas. He couldn't help it, Cas looked too damn perfect lying there, blanket down to his waist, his body something to drool over, his hair a mess and his eyes sparkling, the angel wings Dean had gifted him the only thing adorning his chest. Cas took prideful glee in seeing the way Dean was looking at him, like a starving lion desperate to pounce. Cas took mercy and surged upward, cupping his free hand around the side of Deans face and kissing him hungrily. Dean growled from deep in his chest and Cas felt himself harden instantly. When Cas moaned at the rolling of Deans tongue in his mouth that was when Dean pulled away, leaping off the bed and turning his back.

"Dean? You okay?" 

"Yeah, it's just... Can you put a shirt on?"

"Why?"

"Because it's really hard to drive with a boner Cas and if you don't cover that up I am gonna be struggling the whole way home."

Cas didn't know what came over him, some strange surge of brashness that only happened very rarely in his life. But he got out of the bed, dropped his boxers to the floor and walked right in front of Dean, facing him so he couldn't miss the show.

"You've already got me struggling Dean so I think it's only fair."

Dean was frozen to the spot, Cas was standing totally naked in front of him, right in his personal space, his chest and abs begging to be bitten, his rock hard cock waiting to be sucked. When he managed to look Cas in the eye, Castiel was giving Dean his own damn smoulder back to him, his eyes intense and focused, a slight mischievous tint to his smile. Dean lost it at that look, caution was thrown out the window because who could resist that? Dean grabbed Cas by the shoulders and swivelled him forcefully around until Cas was backed against the wall with a thump. 

Dean plunged his tongue into Cas' mouth desperately, grinding himself against Cas in a needy attempt to get some friction on his own hard cock. He needed Cas more than he needed his next breath, then suddenly, his head spun, Dean was off his feet, he was in the air, he was spinning, then it was his back pressed to the wall and Cas was the one pressing against him. Dean broke the kiss to regain his senses.

"Did you just pick me up?"

"Did you like it?"

"...Yeah. I liked it a lot."

"Good."

Dean didn't know where Cas got all this sudden badassness from, but like hell he was complaining. Cas' fingers deftly undid Deans belt and pants, shoving them and his boxers to the floor. Before Dean could catch up Cas had dropped to his knees and the feel of his tongue licking lightly over the head of his cock sent Deans head spinning. Dean tried to look down, tried to remember how to speak, how to think, but his entire brain was mush as Cas teased him with his tongue before taking him down completely. Dean stopped trying to remember his own name when he felt the back of Cas' throat and just thumped his head back against the wall. Cas was the rollercoaster and all he could do was strap in tight for the ride. 

Cas worked him over like it was his goddamn job, deepthroating on every thrust and licking the sensitive tip on the way out. When he started gently palming Deans balls Dean finally looked down, and the sight was one to behold. Castiel, his beautiful eyes watching Dean writhe and moan under his ministrations, pupils blown with lust, his mouth slick with spit and lips swollen as they worked Dean over. Watching Cas go back and forth on his dick made the building heat low in Deans gut even more intense, he was so close he was almost in pain. Then Dean ran his fingers through Cas' hair, he couldn't help it, it was so soft and messy and beautiful and it was right there. He carded his fingers through and as he did he heard Cas moan, not only that, he felt Cas moan, his throat vibrating around Deans cock in the most exquisite way. Deans fingers clenched around the hair and he gripped tight for support, Cas must have loved the feeling because he moaned again, this time louder and with more intensity. That was all it took and Dean shouted Cas' name as he came down his throat.

Dean thumped his head back and panted as he came down from the high. Cas swallowed everything and let the softening Dean slip out before standing on wobbly legs and slipping his boxers back on.

"Hey hey, hang on what about you?"

"You probably didn't notice but I was doing myself at the same time."

"Oh. Okay. But next time it's your turn."

"Mmm I'm fine with that."

Cas pressed into Deans space once more and kissed him again, this one was much slower, drawing out the feel of each others lips before it had to end. Dean didn't seem to mind the taste on Cas' mouth either, Cas was happy with that since he planned to be sucking Dean off at every opportunity.

"When can I see you again?" Dean asked.

"I don't know. I have another long weekend coming but I already promised Gabe I would go with him to his family gathering. He didn't want me to be alone."

"No that's good, go with Gabe. You've got finals after that and you'll need to concentrate. Even if we don't see each other for the rest of the month you'll be graduating soon and we'll have all the time in the world." 

"Mm I can't wait."

"Me neither."

They kissed each other again, sighing into the feeling of wholeness that neither of them thought they would get used to.

That's when Gabe burst in.

"Whoa! Fellas have you heard of clothes?!" Gabriel stopped in his tracks and covered his eyes.

"Aaaand I think that's my queue." Dean sighed, dipping to the floor to pull his boxers and pants back on.

"Drive safe."

"Promise." 

They shared one more chaste kiss before Dean left, humouring Gabe with a hi-five as he passed. As soon as the door clicked shut Gabe turned his shiteating grin on Cas and dramatically flopped into a pose on his own bed.

"Soooo?"

"Yes Gabriel. What would you like to know?"

"Everything except the really explicit gay parts."

"Explicit is your favourite thing."

"You're right, who am I kidding? Tell me everything."

"Nothing happened last night, we just, cuddled."

"Boooring. That clearly was not the case right here so front up Pinocchio."

"We went to kiss goodbye and one thing led to another and I blew him off."

"Was it awesome? Are blow jobs awesome? To give I mean, receiving them is like-"

"Yes Gabriel, it was awesome. You enjoy going down on Meg don't you?"

"God yes."

"There you go."

"Soooo... You guys are... Making that step?"

"I guess it's been made. And I thought I would panic, freak out or something. But I feel great about it."

"Yeah?"

"Yes it, feels... Natural. Like things are exactly where they're supposed to be."

"Well that's good to hear."

"Why?"

"One, now I won't have to worry about you going dark side again. Two, I checked the mail on the way up, this was waiting for you."

Gabriel handed Cas a thick brown envelope from an address in New York. Cas ripped it open and stared at the words on the top letter in disbelief.

"Gabe this is-"

"I know, it's a good thing, isn't it?" Gabe asked.

"It's amazing. I can't believe it."

"Buuuuut?"

"But nothing. I... I don't know. Things are different now."

"Maybe that's best saved for the 'stress about it later pile'."

"Yeah. I think you're right."

Cas shoved the stack of papers back inside and tossed the envelope in his top drawer, shutting it with a little more force than necessary.

"So did you contact Michael about my coming to your family dinner?"

"Yes! I did, and he relayed it to Anna."

"And?"

"And they can't wait to see you there."

"What?!"

"Apparently your dear sister has been meaning to get in contact with you for months, but after all this time she was afraid you would slam the door in her face."

"Well she's not entirely wrong. But why now?"

"She wouldn't say. She wants to see you herself and talk in person."

"A mystery. Anna always did have a flair for the dramatic."

"I'll understand if you don't want to come."

"No, no I do. Whatever she wants, I'd rather have you there for support."

"Fair call. Anyways, I got a clogger brewing after last night, I'll be in the bathroom if you need me."

"Mm, descriptive, thank you."

"You're welcome." Gabriel called as he stumbled through the bathroom door, closing it behind him. Cas eyed the closed drawer, his thoughts drifting from the amazing and problematic letter inside, to the anxiety of seeing his sister again, to memories of last night and that morning. He focused on that, laying back into bed and closing his eyes, focused on the memories he made with Dean in the last few hours, already some of the best memories of his life.

The next week went by in slow motion for Cas. Every lecture droned on and on, every afternoon of study was never-ending, every shift for work took all night. By the time Friday morning class was half way done, every minute stretched out to an eternity. At last though, inevitably, the professor called it time, and Cas gathered his things and practically sprinted to his car. He had already packed and repacked and triple checked and he was ready to hit the road. Cas floored it down the highway, en route to Deans house.

Cas idled on the street next to the empty driveway, Dean always worked late on Fridays so he had the weekends for Sammy and Cas had hoped to beat him home. Sam was already waiting on the front step with a backpack, he was so damn tall these days it still took Cas by surprise and he had to remind himself that Sam was seventeen now, he was almost finished school and wasn't a little kid anymore. Sam perked up when he saw Cas' car and jogged over, Cas got out of the car and gave Sam a quick hug hello, letting the lanky teenager slide into the drivers seat. 

"Now remember, one scratch and Dean won't be able to save you."

"Don't worry Cas, I learned how to drive in the Impala remember? I promise she'll be fine."

"Where are you taking Jessica?"

"Some camping spot out of town. We won't be back for twenty four hours, promise."

"Thanks Sam."

"No problem. Be good."

"Ha ha. Get going before your brother gets here."

Sam let Cas grab his bags and waved as he took off down the street to Jess' house. Cas couldn't help it, he looked up to his old house next door. It looked cold, unlived in. He guessed his parents wouldn't have much reason to come back to it these days, probably a good thing for him, there was zero to little chance of accidentally running into them. Cas turned his attention to the Winchester house instead, taking his things inside and shutting the door behind him.

When Dean pulled into his driveway that night he had no reason to suspect there might be anything different waiting for him than Sammy with a pizza and beer. He walked in the door, wondering if it would be okay to call Cas and talk about their week later on.

"Sammy? You here? Why are all the lights off? There been another power outage?"

Dean called out as he set his things down at the front door and toed off his boots. He walked around the corner to the kitchen and dining area where he would usually find his brother, only to halt in his tracks and take in the sight of Castiel, he was casual and comfortable and stunning in his regular blue jeans, a white henley and socks. His hair was its usual mess and his eyes their usual sparkling pacific blue that always knocked the breath out of Dean. He was standing by the dining table with a wide smile illuminated by the small candles that was their only source of light. The two dozen or so candles dotted the table and surrounding surfaces and Dean saw two plates with magnificent looking steak dinners set at the table with beer to match. 

"Cas, what..."

"I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, you succeeded. But, why?"

Cas walked confidently into Deans personal space, cupped his face with both hands and kissed him full on the lips, letting out a soft breathy moan at the relief of getting to do that again. Deans knees went weak and he gave himself fully over to the feeling of kissing Cas again. It had been driving him crazy how much he missed that feeling. Finally Cas pulled away and moved his hands down to clasp Deans hands.

"I missed you too." Dean whispered.

The two smiled bashfully at each other and sat down to their meal. They enjoyed every bite of Cas' magical cooking, talking easily about their week. When they finished dinner they washed up together, Dean washing and Cas drying. When he was done Dean used his wet hands to flick the warm water at Cas' face, laughing when Cas jumped in fright. Cas put his plate down and grew a huge grin, he dipped his hand in the water and flicked Dean back. Soon enough they were laughing and running circles around the kitchen island flinging water at each other like a couple of eight year olds, both of them were soaked and elated by the time Dean caught Cas at the bottom of the stairwell as he tried to get away up the stairs. 

Castiels hair was dripping water down his face, his eyes abalze with joy and his smile reaching ear to ear. It set Deans heart on fire to see Cas so happy and carefree because of him, he backed Cas against the wall and saw his smile turn mischievous. That was when Dean noticed Cas' white shirt had been soaked through and was leaving nothing to the imagination. Something in Deans eyes must have given him away because Cas was mirroring his admiration, Cas' eyes raking over Deans form with just as much hunger. Dean felt his resistance snap and gripped his fingers in Castiels hair, pulling him in for a heated and passionate kiss that made both of them hard in seconds. 

Deans head was light as air as he gripped Castiels hand and pulled him up the stairs to his bedroom. Dean had his own shirt off before he opened the door and he peeled off Cas' in the doorway. Their lips and tongues tangled together again and they refused to break the kiss while Cas backed Dean to the bed and they awkwardly dropped the rest of their clothes on the floor. Dean fell back on the soft, king sized duvet and admired the sight of Cas as he crawled up Deans body, kissing every inch of skin on his way and driving Dean insane with need. Finally Cas reached Deans lips again and Dean held Cas' face reverently as they kissed.

"You're so beautiful Castiel." Dean said as he held Castiels eyes with his own.

"Dean, there is no person on earth created with more beauty than you. I- I want to... I want to try something, but I'm worried you're not ready."

"Cas you can do anything you like to me, if it's with you I'm ready, I promise."

"Okay, just tell me to stop at any point if you're uncomfortable."

Deans reply was cut off with another kiss and Cas began moving back down Deans body, kissing and touching and biting and scratching, taking his time in every spot that Dean showed a particular fondness for. Through all his bliss he realised Cas was learning him, learning his body, all the spots and pressure points that drove Dean wild. Cas had probably been fantasizing about learning Deans body this way for years, Dean knew he had been fantasizing about Cas'.

When Cas reached Deans groin and lay delectible kisses all around the base Dean thought Cas was going to blow him again, his throbbing shaft leaked a little at the thought of Castiels beautiful mouth on him again, but that's not what Cas did. Dean moaned and mewled in frustrated pleasure as Cas worked down Deans taught thighs, then with a hand behind each knee he spread Deans legs and lifted them up to his chest. Dean had never felt so exposed and vulnerable before, but the way Cas was kissing the inside of Deans thigh, working his way back up, quickly made him forget his shyness. The way Cas so effortlessly held Dean in half like he had so much strength hiding beneath his already toned biceps, it sent his stomach fluttering with excitement, it turned him on so damn much to think what else Cas could do to him, pin him face down, lift him up like he had when he blew him. Dean had always been the one to take charge with his other partners, mostly because he was the guy and it was expected, but being manhandled by Cas was quickly becoming his favourite thing. 

Cas worked his way up painfully slow, when he reached Deans perineum and began licking it delicately, Deans head spun, he held his breath as Cas moved ever so slowly down, tentatively brushing his tongue over Deans puckered hole. Dean moaned loudly and brokenly, he knew Cas was being gentle so Dean would have plenty of time to get comfortable with it and tell him to stop if he wanted. Dean never wanted this to stop, Castiels tongue made patterns over the flesh, putting more and more pressure on as Dean moaned out Cas' name over and over. Deans eyesight went blurry from the fireworks Cas was sending through his body and he became vaguely aware of a string of "oh god Cas please don't stop oh my god please" that slipped passed his lips.

After several agonisingly good minutes of Cas working him over, Cas finally took mercy and pulled away, at least Dean thought it was mercy, until Cas took one hand away, leaving Dean to hold that leg up on his own, and he stroked up and down his thigh soothingly before moving his hand down to where Deans hole was soaked and waiting. Cas circled his middle finger around it gently, watching Deans reaction, watching him start out tense, then relax into it, enjoying it almost as much as Castiels tongue. When Dean started pushing himself down, breathing heavily and searching for penetration, Cas slipped just the bare tip inside, feeling Dean tense and clench around him. Cas held still as Dean worked himself slowly onto his finger, grinding his hips down a little more each time.

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"I um, I don't have any lube."

"It's okay, if this is what you want I came prepared."

"I want it. Cas I want you so bad you have no idea, I want you fuck me into next week Cas please it feels so good."

Cas felt a shiver run down his spine at Deans words, hearing him moan his name like a filthy prayer over and over had almost made him come on it's own. Cas tried to keep his excited and nervous shaking steady as he reached over to the nightstand and found the bottle of silicone lube he had put there earlier, just in case. Cas felt high he was so in awe that he was actually here, fucking Dean, something he had dreamed about for so long but never really believed would happen. He had to make this good for Dean, he had to make it amazing, Dean deserved that much. 

Cas poured a generous amount onto his middle and index fingers and around Deans pink hole. He looked at Deans beautiful face blissful with an undercurrent of nervous. Cas knew just the key to getting him to relax. As Cas circled Deans hole once again, he brought his face up to Deans groin and waited for Deans eyes to open, when they did, Cas met their gaze, Cas locked eyes with Dean, smirked, winked, and wrapped his mouth around the head of Deans cock. 

"Oooohhh God Caaas..."

Cas licked and tongued the head, playing with the slit cruelly as he slowly edged his way back inside Dean, when Dean had relaxed around his finger enough that he could thrust in and out easily, Cas started stretching him with the second finger. As he inched them inside Cas took Dean down, savouring the taste and making sure Dean didn't have the brain function to worry about what was happening to his ass. It didn't take long for Dean to start thrusting on his own, down onto Cas' fingers and up into his mouth. When Dean wasn't quite moaning loud enough for Cas' liking, Cas bent the very tips of his fingers forward slightly, and the effect was instant. Dean cried out so loud Cas was glad he had thought to get Sam out of the house. 

"Cas, Cas I'm s-so close..."

Cas sucked his way off Deans cock and slowly pulled his fingers out, sitting back and just taking in the sight of Dean so wrecked and beautiful in his godly state before him. 

"Are you sure you want this?"

"Yes god yes please Cas I need you."

Cas couldn't ever say no to that, he lubed up his painfully hard cock and quickly wiped his hands clean on a wetwipe he had also put a packet of beside the bed. Cas lay over Dean and cupped his face, staring into his eyes and trying to convey how much this really meant to him, that to Cas, this was so much more than just sex. Cas couldn't be sure, but he felt somewhere deep down that Dean was trying to say the same thing. Cas leaned down and kissed him passionately. It wasn't heated or sloppy, but wasn't soft and tentative either. If kissing was the language of the heart, their kiss spoke of forever, of an eternal, profound bond, it spoke of a need that could not be accurately conveyed with words, so it would be done with a kiss instead. 

As they kissed long and deep and lost in the euphoria of each other, Cas slowly pushed himself inside, little by little Dean relaxed and gave way. Before Cas knew it he was fully sheathed and panting with the effort of staying conscious. Dean was so tight and warm and perfect, he was beautiful and wrecked and chanting Cas' name and Cas was chanting his. Cas soon found it easier to thrust in and out with a little more force and then he hit Deans prostate full on and Dean shouted a moan so loud Cas was sure the whole street heard. So of course Cas hit it again, and again and again. Dean was a writhing, moaning mess beneath him and it was more glorious than Cas could have possibly imagined.

"Cas... Cas I'm c- I'm c- ah! Oh god C-Cas!"

Cas wrapped his hand around Deans cock and slammed into his prostate one more time as he stroked, that's all it took for Dean to throw his head back on the pillow and arch his back as he screamed through his orgasm. Watching what he had done to Dean, Cas was finally able to let his own release go and slammed in one more time while Dean was still painting his own chest with cum. Cas blew his load buried deep inside Dean and screamed Deans name as he did. 

The two took a full couple of minutes of panting and coming down from the high to regain their brain functions. When they did, Cas grabbed more wet wipes and cleaned Dean down, being as gentle as possible with his swollen hole. He wiped himself off too and eased Deans legs down carefully, stretching them out the full length of the bed. 

"You taking care of me Cas?"

"I have a suspicion if you tried to walk right now you'd find you couldn't."

"Oh yeah? What makes you say that?"

"Cause I can't."

The two laughed happily and Dean wiggled himself over to one side, holding out an arm for Cas to cuddle into. Cas took the invitation gladly and snuggled into Deans side with a warm arm wrapped around to keep him in place. Dean kissed Cas on the forehead and closed his eyes, he was sore all over yet the happiest he could ever remember being.

"Night Cas."

"Goodnight Dean."

Both of them were asleep in seconds.

Dean woke up to the sound of the vinyl playing downstairs, he could smell the faint waftings of pancakes and bacon. Even the birds seemed happier in their chirping outside his window as he lay in bed trying to wake up fully. The sun streamed warmly on his face through the window and he felt so relaxed and content he never wanted to move. Vaguely, he became aware of a twitching ache in his ass, and all the memories from the night before came flooding back. Cas. He had finally slept with Cas last night. But it was more than that, Dean was sure of it, last night was more than sex for both of them. Dean smiled at the thought, and realised he should probably take a shower before going downstairs. 

As soon as he stood up he felt it, a deep throb that was not quite painful, and not quite pleasant. His legs felt weak and jelly like and he chuckled at what Cas had said the night before, Dean would definitely have not been able to walk then. He wobbled into the shower and set it as hot as he could stand it, stretching and rubbing his limbs into usefulness under the heat and soaping himself down to get rid of the remaining stickiness Cas didn't get to last night. After about ten minutes he shut it off and dried down, slipping into a clean pair of boxers before making his way downstairs to the kitchen. 

Dean was greeted with the sight of Cas also in his boxers just finishing up a last pan of bacon. He was whistling to the music as he cooked and Dean didn't think he'd seen anything more adorable in his life. He folded his arms and leaned against the wall, quietly smiling to himself as he watched Cas. Finally Cas turned around to plate up the last of the breakfast and broke into a huge grin when we spotted Dean, then it turned into a confused frown and that head tilt Dean thought made him look like a cute kitten.

"What?" Cas asked.

Dean just walked forward and cupped Cas' face in his hands, kissing him long and sweetly.

"That." Dean answered.

"Mm I am a big fan of that."

"Me too."

Dean leaned back in and kissed Cas again, the taste of Cas making Deans heart beat faster and quickly turning the kiss more heated. Dean backed Cas against the island and put his hands on the bench on either side of Cas, caging him in while the slide of their tongues heated their skin and pumped their blood. Moments later the front door slammed open and Sam came barelling in. The boys broke apart with a start and Dean stepped half in front of Cas. 

"Sam? You okay?" Dean asked.

"Hey guys. I know I wasn't supposed to be back yet, I'm sorry."

"Sammy what happened?"

Sam looked a mess, he was dirty, his usually perfect hair a tangle, his eyes were bloodshot and heavily bagged. 

"Me and Jess had a fight. We might be breaking up."

"What? Why?! You two are the most disgustingly cute couple I've ever seen."

"She got accepted to Stanford."

"Yeah, so did you, so what?"

"She got accepted to Stanford... And Harvard. Her parents are pressuring her to go to Harvard, threatening to pull her tuition all together if she doesn't."

"I'm so sorry Sammy."

"Yeah. Well it's either break up with me and go to Harvard, or don't go to college at all. She didn't get the scholarship like I did, and everyone knows long distance doesn't work."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No. I just want to go to bed."

"Okay. Call out if you need anything."

"Thanks."

Sam trudged off to his room, all the sight of a broken hearted man. Dean sighed and hung his head.

"Hey Cas-"

"You don't have to say it, I'm already gone."

"Cas I feel terrible."

"Don't. I was going to have to leave this afternoon anyway, long weekend remember? This was a stop on my way to Gabe's."

"Oh just a stop am I? Just a quickie for the road Novak? Just a booty call huh?"

Dean put his hands on Cas hips and grinned mockingly as Cas threaded his arms through Deans and grabbed his ass, grinning back.

"You, Dean, are anything but a booty call. Your brother needs you. You guys enjoy the breakfast, keep me updated with how he goes."

"Aw you worried about Sam you big sap?"

"Of course, Sam is my friend too. And you Winchesters are awful at dealing with broken hearts."

"Yeah, you got a point there. I might have to hide all the liquor."

"You do that, I'll go get dressed."

Cas kissed Dean chastly and jogged up the stairs, pulling on his clean clothes he packed for the trip and repacking all his things. Five minutes later he joined Dean at the front door, kissing him fully one more time.

"Cas, I just want to let you know without a doubt, last night was amazing."

"It was, I can't wait to relive it."

"God get lost before I don't let you leave."

Cas chuckled as he pecked Dean on the cheek and ran to his car, waving to Dean as he drove away. Cas was sure now, he was sure that the envelope in his drawer didn't matter. None of that did. He wasn't going to give Dean up for anything.


	6. Priorities

Gabriel's family was nothing like Cas expected. He had heard a lot of stories of course, but all of them were about things Gabe himself had done or experienced. Turns out half his family were as crazy as he was. Theirs was a mixed family, the parents, Chuck and Henry, were both sweet and welcoming. Cas felt relaxed around them immediately as they welcomed him in as one of their own along with Gabriel's brothers and sisters; Luke, Michael, Balthazar, Raphaela and Benjamina. The Shirley's first adopted twins Luke and Michael as orphaned children when the system would have otherwise split them to different homes. After seeing the importance of keeping siblings together they then adopted sisters Raphaela and Benjamina, and a couple years later Balthazar and his little brother Gabriel fell into their laps as well. Gabriel was the youngest of the family and Cas thought that definitely explained a lot.

Michael was just as stiff and serious as Gabriel had described him, but Cas could tell by the way he looked at his siblings that he loved them all deeply. Luke was basically the opposite, he seemed like the kind of guy who went looking for trouble, someone who loved to create drama and sit back with some popcorn, although, Cas noted, he also clearly cared greatly for those close to him. Gabriel had explained the bare bones of their story, that their parents had died in a car crash when they were ten years old, they had been placed with their aunt Amara, who it turns out was about the worst person on earth. She was a drug addict and would often abuse the boys, Luke was the one who managed to catch one such episode on tape and take it to the cops. She was still in prison to their knowledge but the experience had effected the boys differently, Michael had powered through the trauma and worked his ass off every day to become as successful as possible, whereas Luke had fallen to drink and drugs and bad company. Prison had a revolving door for him and Gabe claimed his rap sheet was as long as his arm. 

Raphaela and Benjamina had been left on a church doorstep when Raphaela was two and Benjamina was a baby. They had been in the foster system their whole lives moving from house to house, not all of them good places. Raphaela was a fierce woman, someone who demanded, not requested. Cas remembered Gabe telling him that in all the bad houses they ended up in Raphaela always took the brunt of everything, protecting Benjamina from abusers, neglectors, paedophiles, everything. As a result she could be assertive at times but it wasn't to be taken personally. Benjamina on the other hand was quite carefree, she was happy go lucky and loved helping Luke teach little Gabriel how to pull off really inventive pranks. 

Balthazar was Gabriel's big brother, Gabe described him as "life goals". Cas didn't understand exactly was Balthazar's job was, but he got to travel a lot, drink a lot, and meet a lot of women, Gabriel's dream basically. Those two boys had been put in the system when Gabe was thirteen and Balthazar sixteen. It wasn't easy to take on teenagers, but Chuck and Henry persisted. Their dad had been an abusive dick that hit their mom a lot, one night it got so bad that Gabe ran across the street and called the police while Balthazar tried to defend their mom. By the time the cops got there, their mom was dead, Balthazar was in hospital for a week. Their dad killed himself in prison a year later. It took years of therapy and a lot of patience on Chuck and Henry's part to keep the boys from going down a bad path, but having siblings who had gone through similar experiences helped them recover. 

Cas was already in awe of Gabe's family before he met them, to have survived such horrible things at such young ages, Cas couldn't imagine having that kind of strength. They kind of reminded him of Dean. Chuck and Henry quickly became his favourite couple, they had been together for fourty three years and were clearly still so in love. They giggled and smiled and were playful together as they cooked dinner, tasting each others creations and working perfectly in sync. It made Cas wish that he might have that with Dean one day. 

Cas and Gabe were the second to last people to arrive, Gabe introduced everyone one at a time, Raphaela had brought her husband and Benjamina had brought her boyfriend. Luke was alone as usual, Balthazar was consistently single and loved every minute, he was also already tipsy when they got there and tried to hit on Cas. 

"Hands off Bal he's taken." Gabe warned.

"Of course he is, all the gorgeous ones are aren't they?"

Balthazar swaggered off to find another drink and left them alone.

"Actually, why isn't Meg here?" Cas asked.

"I brought her last time and let's just say it didn't go too well."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean Luke was acting like an asshole and you know how Meg doesn't take that shit from anyone. This time we both thought it best she skip it."

"I see, probably a good choice."

A few minutes later the front door opened and Michael joined them, Anna by his side. Gabe and Michael embraced each other warmly, Anna let go of Michaels arm and stepped carefully towards Cas. Cas hadn't seen her in so long he almost didn't recognise his own sister.

"Cas, I know it's been a long time, and I know that its my fault. I just want to say I'm so so sor-"

Cas rushed forward and caught Anna in a tight hug. Anna squeezed him back and Cas was sure he felt the dampness of a few tears soak through his shirt. They held on for a full minute before letting go, everyone alreading moving to another room to give them some space. 

"Can we start again? Please?" Anna asked.

"You know there's something I've learned from a good friend, you don't give up on family."

Anna smiled and the two sat down on the couch and talked and talked until dinner was called. Dinner was delicious, enough to feed an army. Cas could see Anna had changed, she was a lot more relaxed than he remembered her being, sitting next to Michael, in that warm and welcoming home with his family, she looked happy. Even Gabe said she was completely different to how she had been the last time, when he had described her to Cas as snotty and stuck up. When Gabe brought this up to Michael later he explained that Anna had just been nervous, she hadn't seen or talked to her own parents in so long that she wasn't sure how she would handle being thrown back into a family setting, and she had wanted to make a good impression. 

Cas enjoyed every minute he spent with Gabe's family and with Anna, leaving to go back to the stress of school was nearly as difficult as when he had to leave Deans house on Saturday. When the boys got back to their room on Monday evening they both toasted to Castiels successful weekend with some of Gabe's gummy bear vodka. They passed out soon after, not looking forward to their last fortnight in college.

Cas spent the next week neck deep in study. He had four big final exams, one on Thursday, the second on Friday. His last two were on the Monday and Wednesday of next week, then he and Gabe were moving out on Thursday and into a shitty apartment together until they figured out what came next. When Cas got back to the room after his exam on Friday, Gabe already had pizza and gummy vodka ready to go. 

"Gabriel, you're my saviour." Cas sighed as he dropped his things and took a shot without hesitation.

"How'd it go? Can't have been that bad."

"No, no I'm fairly confident I passed. But still, residual anxiety is a bitch."

"Yeah I hear that, cheers."

The boys clinked their glasses together and took another shot. Gabe set his glass down and checked his phone, grinning like an idiot before pocketing it and slinging a backpack over one shoulder.

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere, be right back."

"What? Gabe?!"

Cas called out but it was to a closed door, Gabe was already gone. 'Thats weird.' Cas thought, 'then again, its Gabriel.' Cas took another shot before taking a big bite of pizza and pulling out all the study notes he needed for Monday. A minute later there was a knock at the door, Cas huffed and set his things aside to answer it.

"Gabe what the hell are you playing at?" Cas called just before he opened the door. Of course it wasn't Gabe on the other side, it was Castiels own personal wet dream in all his smirking, leather clad beauty.

"Dean!"

"Heya Cas. Mind if I come in?" Cas hadn't realised he had been blocking the door, staring at Dean for a good few seconds as his brain tried to catch up. 

"Yeah! Yeah of course! What uh, what are you doing here?"

Cas held the door open and let Dean walk in where he stood next to Cas' bed.

"Thought I'd surprise you, I mean it's no candlelight dinner or anything but I wanted to help you celebrate getting half way through your exams. Is- is that okay?"

Cas grinned from ear to ear, Dean was so adorable when he got shy. Instead of using words Cas crossed the gap between them and held Deans face with both hands as he planted a long and sweet kiss on his visitor.

"You're always welcome, thank you."

"No problem. If I'm totally honest I couldn't wait to see you again, we didn't really get a chance to talk about... Last time."

"I'm sorry did I- wait did I do something that made you uncomfortable?"

"No! God no, Cas, everything you did was amazing. Seriously, I just.... It was kind of a big deal for me you know. I mean you had your thing with Samandriel, but, you're the only guy I've ever done anything with. Last time was a lot, all at once for me. And I would talk to my gay friend or my best friend about it but both those people happen to be you."

"Dean you can talk to me about anything. I'm sorry I had to take off. We can talk now though, are things going too fast for you, physically?"

"Nah, come on Cas, you know I've never been a take it slow kind of guy."

"Well, what then?"

"Just... Um... Nah never mind it's stupid."

"Dean nothing you could say would sound stupid to me."

"It was just... An amazing night, Cas. The romantic dinner, the sex, I mean, that was hands down the best sex I've ever had, I guess that kinda took me by surprise a little."

"The fact that you had sex with a guy or that you liked it so much?"

"Both. I mean obviously I've thought about it, fantasized being with you so many times I lost count. But the real thing, that was something else."

"I guess you didn't have a lot of time to mentally prepare yourself, I'm sorry."

"No, no no no don't be sorry. Anything but that. It just all happened so fast and I guess, yeah, I didn't have time to really prepare. I just kind of went with it and did what felt good and let you lead. And in the heat of the moment that was... Exciting. It was a huge turn on. But after, I guess it took a while to really hit me how, um, crap what's the word?" 

"How vulnerable it made you?"

"Yes! That. So you get it?"

"Yes of course I get it. And if it makes you feel any better, me and Samandriel never did anything like that. We never penetrated each other, I mean. You were my first too."

"Really?"

"Really." Cas smiled at Dean and he smirked back.

"Is it creepy and possessive if it makes me happy that I get something he didn't?"

"No, it makes you adorable."

"Shut up. I'm just not used to putting that much trust in anyone. It's going to take some getting used to before I stop freaking out the next day you know?"

"Of course. And there is a lot of trust involved, but Dean, I promise, you never have to worry about that with me. I'll never mistreat you. And that was just our first time together, we have a lot to explore, you might just not like bottoming."

"Do you?"

"Sometimes. But we'll figure out what you like, what we like together. There's no rush, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks Cas."

"Don't thank me, it's what I'm here for. And if you're ever freaking out about anything, please talk to me."

"Promise."

Cas smiled again and weaved his fingers through Deans with both hands, leaning in for another kiss that tasted sublime and sent chills down Castiels spine. Within moments Deans lips parted and allowed Cas' tongue to slip inside, and in the blink of an eye their kiss heated to volcanic proportions. Cas maneuvered their hands behind Deans back where they stayed clasped tightly together and the boys grinded their hips into one another. Cas backed Dean against the wall behind him and broke their kiss to swivel Dean around and slam him facing the wall like he was under arrest, hands still behind his back. Cas started kisisng and biting at Deans neck, letting go of his hands in favour of his tight ass. Dean was letting out breathy moans and sighs and it was making Cas so hard he was about to pop his pants. 

"Cas... Cas wait."

Cas reeled back, shock and worry making him instantly soft again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I was too rough wasn't I? It made you uncomfortable again."

Dean turned around and rushed to Cas, taking his face in his rough, strong hands so Cas had to keep eye contact. 

"Cas stop I'm fine, I was just... I finished work early and drove straight here. I really think I should have a shower first."

"Oh. Okay, would you mind if I joined you?"

"I was counting on it."

Dean grinned and pulled Cas' lips to meet his own, the heat quickly rebuilding in both of them.

"Okay, I'll go get the water warmed up." Cas said as he bounded to the bathroom. 

"Hey Cas! Where's your lube?! I think we should get it now and take it in with us!" Dean called out.

"Top drawer!" 

Dean heard the water running and went to Cas' drawers, opening the top one to find an unopened bottle on top of some brown envelope. Dean picked the bottle up with a smirk, but the expression faded when he looked down to close the drawer again and saw the address the envelope was from. Frowning and curious, Dean picked it up. It had been opened. This couldn't be what it looked like, surely. Dean slipped out the stack of folded paper and read the short letter on top, that was when Cas came sauntering back in the room in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

"The water's perf- Dean? What are you doing?"

"Cas what the fuck is this?"

"It's nothing, forget about it."

"Nothing? Cas have you lost your damn mind? When were you going to tell me about this?"

"It doesn't matter, I already decided to decline their offer."

"What?! You can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because why would you?! Cas this is Time freakin magazine offering you a damn job here! Do you know how many college kids graduate and manage to find a job where they actually use their degree?"

"No but I imagine it amounts to fuck all."

"Exactly. Do you know how many get offered their dream job straight out of college? None! This never happens Cas! How the hell did you even swing that?!"

"I didn't, my professors did. One of them has an old friend that works at the New York office and is in need of a new protogé. He sent them a portfolio of all the articles and essay pieces I've written while here, along with his personal recommendation. They offered me the job. It's a low pay and low position to start, but I'll be under a great writer, and editor. My professor said one day I'll be out in the field, writing pieces from war zones that win Pulitzer's."

"They really think you're that good?"

"Apparently."

"Then why the hell are you turning it down?!"

"Because I would have to leave you! I would have to move to New York for fucks sake!"

"Cas this is your future, the future that they're talking about... It's a dream come true for you. And it's in your reach."

"You're in my reach. You're my future. I left you once and I'm not doing it again, I can't. Dean, I need you."

"I can't let you do this. Cas if I let myself be the reason you give all this up I'll never forgive myself. And you'll resent me for it. Maybe it'll take years, but you will."

"That's my decision to make, not yours."

"I'm sorry. But since when have things ever worked out for us huh? Face it Cas we're cursed. I'm cursed."

"Well I'm sorry but I'd rather have you, cursed or not."

"I can't let you just turn this down. Promise me you'll think about it, really think about it. Please."

"Dean..."

"Promise me Cas."

"How could we possibly make it work? Huh? Give me a scenario where at least one piece of my heart doesn't get destroyed."

"I can't. But I also can't predict the future. I think, the best thing we can do right now is put all this on the back burner. Stow our crap, get you graduated. Then we'll see what happens." 

Cas sighed and sat on the bed next to Dean, taking the stack of paper and flipping the edge of the pages absentmindedly.

"Lisa's due to pop any day now, how are you gonna put that on the back burner?"

"I can't. Once that kid is here, he's gotta be my number one priority."

"He?"

"Yeah. More poor bastard Winchesters."

"As far as I'm concerned, the world needs every last Winchester it can get."

"You're not angry about that?"

"I was, at the start. But, I can't be angry at a baby, that's rediculous. He didn't choose to be born. It is what it is. An innocent child shouldn't have to suffer for it. And he shouldn't suffer the absence of his father, either."

"How are we going to make this work Cas?"

"Do you remember when all we had were our bedroom windows, a couple of hours a night after our parents went to sleep?"

"...Yeah." Dean huffed a smile, "Sometimes those nights were the only things I had to look forward to."

"And then when all we had was 10 minutes in the car in the morning, and again in the afternoon?"

"God that was so much fun. You really were the best friend I had ever had. Still are."

"And even now, all we have is a day or two every so often, miles apart."

"New York is a little longer than a few hours in the car Cas."

"I know, my point is that even when we didn't have all this, whatever this is, we made it work. We just, took what we had, made the most of it."

"If you believe that then why were you going to turn down the job without even telling me?"

"Because I didn't want to put you in that position. I need you to know that I understand that the baby is your priority, and that's a good thing, because you're a good, selfless person. But I also need you to know that you are my priority, after I left last time, I didn't want you to think that's what I was doing again. I didn't want you to feel used or abandoned."

"So you're going to accept their offer?"

Cas sighed heavily and stared at the pages in his hands.

"If I have your support Dean, I can do anything."

"It's yours, always. I'll always have your back Cas."

"Are you still going to stay tonight?"

"I think I'd like to spend as much time as I can with you considering our now very limited time frame."

"Thank you."

"Shut up."

The two gazed at one another fondly, before Cas slipped his hand into Deans and led him from the bed into the shower. Cas stripped Dean off slowly, removing every piece of clothing like they had all the time in the world. When he was gloriously naked Cas dropped his towel and they stepped under the water together. Cas pumped some liquid soap into his hands and set to work, kissing Dean languidly as he ran his hands over every inch of Deans body, feeling the bulge of his biceps, the tightness of his abdomen, the ripples in his back as it tensed under his touch.

When his upper half was well and truely soaped, Cas broke their kiss and winked at Dean before sinking to his knees, starting again at Deans ankles and working his way up. Cas took his time, massaging each leg as he made his way up, up. When he finished the back of Deans thighs he wasn't shy about gripping both cheeks firmly in hand and squeezing, moaning aloud because Deans ass was just so damn perfect. He slicked each hand around the sides of Deans hips and came to meet at the base of his throbbingly hard cock. Cas took extra time soaping the area up, reveling in the sounds Dean was making above him.

Eventually, Cas took mercy and brought the head to meet his lips, the water was running all down his face and Cas imagined it must be quite a sight from Deans perspective, so Cas played up to it. He made a show of licking the tip and playing with it using only his tongue, sucking on the head slowly and moaning over the sound of the water. He used his free hand to fondle Deans balls and stroke his perineum, sucking down more and more of Dean until he could feel it hit the back of his throat. A whole slew of incomprehensible gibberish spilled from Deans mouth, most of it involving "Cas" "God" and "please don't stop".

When Dean finally came down Cas' throat, Cas swallowed every drop. He rose to his feet and was ambushed by Dean slamming their mouths together, forcing his tongue passed Castiels lips as if desperate to chase the taste of himself there. That was the moment the hot water ran out, drenching them both in icy cold and making them both squeal in an undignified manner. Cas quickly shut the water off completely and they scrambled out to the warmth of their towels. The cold water shock had killed Castiels boner, but watching Dean standing naked in front of him, using the towel to rub his hair dry, Cas suspected it wouldn't stay down for long. Nevertheless they both donned a pair of boxers and sank onto Cas' bed, taking the pizza and gummy vodka with them, sitting up against the wall side by side.

"You need to remind me to bring some damn burboun next time." Dean complained as he swigged Gabe's concoction. Cas laughed.

"Yeah its not the best. But it's great for mixes."

"So, how did things go with Anna? You never told me."

"Fantastic."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean, we talked for most of the time we were there. She told me about how our parents never even told her they had disowned me until she went home for Christmas months after I had left."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

"She said they had a huge fight, she told them that if they weren't willing to accept me then they weren't going to have her either. She told them about Michael, about his parents. After that they didn't even try to put up a fight when she left. She hasn't seen or spoken to either of them since."

"What's stopped her getting in touch since then?"

"She was afraid. We never had a good relationship when we were young, as you know. College, life after, and Michael has changed her. Being away from our parents and her toxic high school friends, she was able to have her eyes opened. She travelled a few times and used it to help people instead of being a tourist. Her good side has really won over."

"And she was afraid you wouldn't believe she had changed."

"Basically. She was also afraid that I wouldn't forgive her for the way she used to treat me. Then she heard about me being Gabriel's roommate and saw her chance to make things better."

"So you two are on the right path then?"

"I think so, yes. It's a good feeling, knowing someone from my past life wants to be in my new one."

"Hm. Can't relate."

"Still haven't visited your dad in prison?"

"Nope. What would I say to him? Sorry you're in here but you kind of deserve it and it's probably the best thing you could have done for us?"

"Good point. When you do decide to go, let me know if you need someone there."

"Thanks Cas."

"Did Sam sort out his issue with Jess?"

"Yeah, uh, Jess managed to talk her parents around, silver tongued them into settling for Stanford."

"How did she pull that off?"

"No idea but I take it as a good sign she's gonna be a kick ass lawyer."

The boys both laughed and continued on that way for a few more hours and a few more shots, until Dean couldn't take the way Castiels laugh crinkled up his face in the gorgeous way that it did. He set aside the pizza and booze and leaned over Cas, kissing him as he lay Cas back on the bed, soon finding their boxers gone and their hands roaming everywhere and their hips grinding down to rub their cocks together in the most wonderful friction. Cas fought the urge to take control and let Dean lead, remembering his promise to let them both experiment and figure out what they liked together. 

"Dean... Dean... God you're so beautiful."

Dean took them both in hand and stroked them slowly together, drowning in the feeling of being with Cas, hearing Cas say his name like a prayer. They lavished kisses and touches all over each other as their passion built and built, until they both came screaming each others names and painting Castiels chest. Cas used a discarded T-shirt off the floor to clean himself without having to get up, and they curled up under the blanket together, Dean being little spoon with his back pressed against Cas' front and Cas' arm folding over him to thread their fingers together. Dean fell asleep with Cas' soft breath on his neck, as Cas fell asleep with the smell of Deans hair filling his senses.

The next morning was a bittersweet goodbye. Their mutual desire to fight for each other was the only thing that soothed the jagged edge of them both knowing that the next time they saw each other, everything would be different. They shared one more kiss before Dean left, it was their kiss, the kiss they first shared the night they slept together, the one that poured more emotion through the act than words could ever express. Cas had to work extra hard to push all thoughts of Dean and the future away to focus on studying for his last exams, but somehow he managed.

The next five days passed in a blur of textbooks and highlighters. Then, before Cas knew it, it was Wednesday, midday, and he left his exam room. College was officially over. Cas was the last of their friend group to finish exams and they had been waiting to celebrate together. That night they got so smashed they didn't remember a single thing that happened the next day. It was their fault really that they had to move house with the worst hangover they ever had. Charlie and Meg had already moved into an apartment in the city, a crappy three bedroom shoebox they all found and agreed to together. Since the girls finished up school first they had gotten in first and set the place up, they had been living there for a couple of weeks before the boys took up their rooms, Meg and Gabe sharing of course. 

On Friday night Cas called Dean, and after talking it out for an hour, Dean was on the line when Cas sent an acceptance email back to the magazine. Cas was in tears for another half an hour after, a painful mixture of fear, anxiety, nerves, excitement, and pride spilling over his cheeks. Dean stayed on the line and talked him through it, reassuring him, boosting his confidence, and then making him laugh. It was passed midnight when they finally hung up and went to sleep.

The following Monday Cas got an email back, he was in. He waited until he knew Dean would be home from work to call him. He could hear the joy and pride in Deans voice and it made Cas cry all over again, silent tears this time, tears of happiness that there was someone who cared about him so much. After that he called Anna and told her about the job, she squealed so high pitched Cas was sure she could smash a window. He called a family meeting that night and told the others that they would have to find a new housemate. They were all smiles and hugs they were so happy for Cas, reassuring him it wouldn't be too difficult to find someone to take the room, and reminding him not to forget them when he got to the big city.

Cas put in his notice to the pizza shop that had given him work the last four years, thanking the owner for being a great boss. He got free pizza for the house for the last time at the end of his last shift on Tuesday. The house tucked in and as Cas sat around the living room with his impromptu family it hit him how much he really would miss them all. He didn't sleep that night, instead packing up what he had bothered to unpack in the few days he had been there, which wasn't much at all. 

There were teary goodbyes all around the next morning. Cas had packed everything he owned into his trusty car, feeling very much like the day he drove off for college. He hugged Meg, then Charlie, then Gabe last. 

"Promise you'll call if you need anything, okay?" Gabe said.

"I promise. Same goes for you. I've paid out my share for the month but if you still haven't found a replacement by then just call me and I'll pay another."

"We'll be fine Cas, you look after yourself, that's an order!" Charlie punched him on the arm, her eyes watering. 

"I should be getting into New York sometime Sunday, I'll give you a call to let you all know I'm not dead."

"You better Clarence or I'll have to kill you myself." Meg smirked.

Cas smiled at them all warmly and climbed in the drivers seat, starting the car down the road and waving out the window before he turned the corner. Cas drove straight onto the highway, knowing exactly where his next stop was.

Dean and Cas didn't waste a single minute. Dean knew he was coming this time and got Sammy out of the house for the night himself. As soon as Cas walked in the door he was being grabbed and yanked inside. Dean smashed their mouths together in a desperate kiss, they tore at each others clothes until the lounge floor was littered with them, and as it turns out, Dean had placed lube in almost every room of the house. He was not screwing around.

That night Cas was the one screaming Deans name as Dean took him on the living room floor, fingering him open with just as much care as Cas had done despite the urgency, then fucking him senseless and making stars dance behind Cas' eyes as Dean pummeled him over and over. It appeared that Cas enjoyed bottoming as much as he enjoyed topping, he was certain that it was just in this case however. He knew that if it was anyone other than Dean inside him, sweating and straining and moaning as he pounded into him, he wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much. 

They lay next to each other, soaked and panting on the floor for another two hours, talking about their weeks like they hadn't just fucked each others brains out. When Dean eventually got up for a snack, Cas cornered him in the kitchen, he ended up pounding Deans perfect ass over the kitchen counter so hard they both lost feeling in their legs as they came. After that they really did get snacks and drinks and clean themselves up, taking the party to Deans bedroom where they watched the first two Indiana Jones movies in nostalgia. 

When they had finished, Cas pressed himself on top of Dean, he was still stretched and slick from the kitchen and it didn't take much for Cas to slip inside, kissing Dean sweetly the entire time as they built it up slowly. They spent over an hour with Cas inside Dean, the extended ecstacy lifting them both into the clouds, bliss overtaking every other thought that wasn't their bodies writhing together, their breathy moans music to their ears, their skin tingling with electricity at every touch. By the time they came, it took the last of what either of them had, they didn't even have the energy to clean themselves up, Cas pulling out carefully and falling to the side where he wrapped around Dean, knowing now he preferred to be the little spoon. Cas didn't mind, he preferred being big spoon. 

Thursday morning brought sun warming both their faces and they traded lazy, sleepy kisses in bed before the dried stickiness got to them and they agreed on a shower. After soaping each other down Dean turned Cas around and fucked him against the wall. 

"I'm not looking forward to this drive." Cas said over their pancakes.

"Why not?"

"My ass is so sore."

They both broke out laughing, trying not to choke on their breakfast.

"Yeah well so is mine, sitting on a plane for three hours is gonna suck."

"Sam all packed?"

"Yep, everything is sorted, kid can't wait."

"What time is the flight?"

"We have to leave here in an hour."

"Okay. I'll see you both off here if that's okay?"

"Yeah I'd like that, thanks."

The two gazed at each other in that longing way that they always did, green not wanting to leave blue, blue not wanting to leave green. They finished their breakfast and got dressed, packing up the last of Deans things and quickly ridding the house of the evidence of their fuckfest from the night before. Sam came home from his farewell night with his friends and gave Cas a giant bear hug.

"Look after yourself Cas."

"You too, you're gonna love college, you have some amazing years ahead of you."

"Thanks. I guess we should hit the road, I'll go wait in the car."

Sam lumbered away and sat in the Impala as Dean locked up the house behind them, standing on the doorstep with Cas. 

"You call me, every day. Understand?"

"I will, I promise. Try not to shit yourself on the flight."

"Ha ha. Come here."

Dean opened his arms and Cas fell into them as naturally as breathing. Deans hugs never felt any less intense than the first time he hugged him, back when Cas was touch starved and the feeling of being held was a shock to his system. Now he knew that being held by Dean would always feel that way, like a splash of cold water and being snuggled by the worlds fluffiest blanket all at once. They let each other go and looked into one another's eyes for a beat, feeling a gap in that moment, a huge canyon of words that they both wanted to say but got caught on their tongues. Then Dean blinked and the moment was over. He shifted and tensed and ran to his car, rumbling the engine to life and peeling away down the street, not even waving as he disappeared for god knows how long. 

Cas sighed, grateful that Dean had been strong enough to go, because he certainly wasn't. Now he was alone, Cas forced his feet to his own car, getting in and continuing his journey, headed to the highway once again, this time for New York.


	7. The Future

\--well we didn't fall from the sky so I guess that's something.

\--that was always statistically unlikely.

\--I can't believe Sam wants to live here its so damn hot.

\--its fall.

\--exactly! If he thinks I'm visiting here in the summer he's got another thing coming.

\--what are the leaves like?

\--not as nice as the ones in the woods.

\--that's a shame. They're beautiful here.

\--where's here?

\--central park.

\--damn I've always wanted to go there.

\--you can when you visit me, I'll show you around.

\--looking forward to it.

\--what's the university like?

\--big and scary. 

\--Sam will be fine, stop worrying.

\--yeah he's loving it already. So is jess. Good thing I'm going home tonight, I don't think I can handle much more geeking out.

\--text me when you're home and safe.

\--it'll be late.

\--I don't care.

\--okay. Catch you later.

\--bye.

Cas tucked his phone away and continued on his walk through the park. He had arrived a day earlier than expected and found his shoebox apartment easy enough. It had cracks in two walls and the plumbing was loud and clanky, the landlord was always high on something that was created in a lab and the neighbours never shut the fuck up. But it was the best he could afford on his new wage and it was close to everything he needed, so he didn't complain. 

He had called his friends when he first arrived to assure them he was alive and well, and spent the rest of that night unpacking his meagre belongings and feeling very alone and vunerable. He would have called Dean, then remembered Dean was still in California for another day with Sam. He decided not to intrude on their time, and managed to hold out until the next afternoon when he gave in and sent him a text.

Cas knew things would be better once he started working on Monday and he would have that to keep his mind occupied. In the mean time, every minute stretched. He knew there were probably things he should be researching, getting on top of, but the isolation only let the anxiety creep in stronger. He tried to remember how he managed being alone most of his life before Dean became his friend, between him and the others, he had grown too used to friendly company. Cas walked around the park until the sun started to set and he got worried he might actually get stabbed to death, slinking back to his shoebox to watch Netflix on his laptop until he fell asleep. Cas woke up to his alarms Monday morning, finding a text waiting there from Dean, received at 3.23 that morning.

\--back home safe and sound. Good luck tomorrow sweetheart. 

Cas grinned ear to ear at the endearment, he couldn't think of a more perfect way to start his morning.

Dean had a more emotional goodbye with Sam than he would admit to anyone. His little brother was all grown up and on his own, the house felt so empty without him the walls echoed every sound Dean made. His daily calls to Cas over the next few days were mostly all that kept him from going back to the bottle just to break the silence. Cas seemed to be doing well during his first few days at his new job, he described it as a trial by fire, but that it was a good thing. All Dean really understood was that he was inundated with work, but he loved it. Dean figured it was like if a customer brought a handful of classic cars into the garage for fixing up, sure it would be a lot of work, but Dean would love every minute of it. He tried not to consider what all this meant for he and Cas, they had chosen to play it by ear and not try to plan for an uncertain future, but it was already proving harder than they imagined. 

Then, it happened. On Thursday evening just as Dean was sitting down with his pasta dinner, he got the call. Lisa was in labour. Dean dropped everything and jumped in the impala, peeling from the driveway to meet Lisa and her mother at the hospital. She was already in a hospital gown, pacing the room when he arrived. She was breathing heavily and supporting her huge belly with one hand, leaning on her mom with the other. 

"What can I do?" Dean felt useless, all he could do was watch.

"There's nothing you can do dear, just, be here." Lisa's mom said. 

It took a lot longer than Dean thought it would. He made several trips to the coffee machine and consequently, to the bathroom. He helped Lisa walk around every now and again, holding her hand or stroking her hair or just staying out of the way. He gradually watched the contractions become more and more frequent, the pain increasing every time. Just before two in the morning, the midwives lay her back on the bed and told her to push. Dean and her mom took a side each and gave her constant encouragement, reminding her to breath and when to push. At 2.24AM, the baby came. The midwives whisked him away to measure, weigh and check him over for any immediate issues. Lisa lay back on the bed, panting and red faced, drenched in sweat. Dean smiled at her.

"You did awesome Lis."

"Thanks. Apparently that was the easy part."

"It was" her mom joked.

"Here you go sweety, your perfectly healthy baby boy."

The senior midwife came back cradling the tiny bundle all wrapped in a swaddle. She handed the baby to Lisa who cradled him with such joy and love it took a moment for the three of them to click. Dean stared at the adorable newborn in Lisa's arms, with his thick, black hair, and milk chocolate coloured skin. Lisa and her mom glanced at each other before looking up at Dean. Dean took a moment to take in what was before him. 

"Gordon?" He asked calmly.

"...Yeah. Dean, I didn't know. I really thought it was you. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. He's beautiful, really. You're gonna be a great mom."

"Are you going to be okay?"

Dean thought about a particular blue eyed man who was currently getting his hair adorably mussed as he lightly snored in his New York apartment. 

"Yeah. Yeah I'll be fine. Good luck Lis, have a good life okay?"

"You too Dean."

Dean kissed the baby gently on the head, then did the same for Lisa. He smiled at her mom who smiled back, then backed out the door and left the hospital. He drove home still in shock, not quite able to accept what just happened because, yes, he was heartbroken. He had spent months expecting to be a dad, and now he just... wasn't. By the time he walked into his house and shut the door behind him, his disappointment had mixed with flooding relief. He was no longer tied to this place. He wasn't tied to anywhere. He was free. He tried not to think about whether that made him a bad person or not, that was a question for another day, preferably for a therapist. 

Dean didn't sleep that night. And he didn't call Cas, or Sam. He didn't talk to anybody but the voice inside his own head as he considered the entire future that had just blown wide open for him. It was like being locked outside a candy store your whole life then one day, totally unexpected, the doors open and you're surrounded by all of the candy and you don't know what to eat first. Dean paced around the house until his alarms went off for work. He figured he always did his best thinking under the hood of a car anyway, even if the revelations of that night made going to work like it was a normal day seem ridiculous. If anyone he worked with thought his uncharacteristic quietness that day was weird, nobody said anything.

Dean was officially running on autopilot. He finished up work for the day and went home, finding some leftovers in the fridge for dinner. He had just finished in the shower when his phone started ringing, it was Cas.

"Hello Dean."

"Heya Cas how's it going?"

"Not as bad as I was imagining. Most of the people there are much more friendly than I imagined."

"Most?"

"Well, no place is perfect. What about you, have any plans for the weekend?"

Dean had forgotten, it was friday.

"Ah, no. Nothing. Just uh, probably work on the Impala or something."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, why do you ask?"

"You sound strange. Has something happened, is Sam alright?"

Dean smiled at Castiels worry. He loved that Cas worried about Sam almost as much as he did. It was one of many things he loved about Cas. That thought, that was what snapped Dean from his extended stupor. He loved Cas. He loved him with everything he had, and now he could finally have him. 

"Sam's fine, um, just a really long day you know?"

"Oh, okay. I understand. You want me to let you get some sleep?"

"That would be great. I'll call you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay, goodnight Dean."

"Night Cas."

Dean clicked his phone off and looked at the walls around him. The walls that held almost nothing but bad memories, that echoed his singular voice and lonely footsteps. He realised then what he wanted to do. Finally, finally, Dean fell into bed and slept, it was a deep sleep, engrossed in dreams of him and Cas driving together down a long road to nowhere.

Dean woke up the next day around midmorning with a clear head and an empty stomach. He quickly dressed and jumped in his baby before he lost his nerve to go through with his plan, going through a quick and greasy drivethru on his way. Dean pulled up at the prison parking lot and lined up with the other visitors at the security checkpoints. He passed the pat downs and metal detectors and signed in, taking a seat at a small table in a room full of other families visiting orange clad inmates. A few minutes later, John came shuffling from a back door, escorted by a middle aged guard. John thanked the guard politely as he walked away and John sat down across from Dean. 

"I have to say, this is unexpected." John managed after an awkward silence.

"Yeah, for you and me both."

"What brings you here Dean?"

"Are you... Are you sober?"

"Can't get booze in prison son."

"It's not the same thing. Not having access to it doesn't mean you've given it up."

"I know. And to be honest, I can't say with one hundred percent certainty that I have. But I'm trying."

"You're trying?"

"I'm seeing a therapist. They have that in here."

"You? Seeing a therapist?"

"What can I say, prison makes you take a long hard look at yourself."

"And what did you see hm? When you took a look at yourself?"

"I saw a man too weak to live without a wife that didn't love him. I saw a father too stupid to take care of the kids that did love him. I saw a man so lost he didn't know who he was anymore."

"And now?" Tears were welling in Deans eyes and he was struggling to hold them back.

"Now I am left with two things. Regret, at the awful things I have done. And hope, that you, and Sam, might find it in yourselves to forgive me one day." 

"Maybe. One day."

"Why did you come here Dean?"

"Because a lot of things have happened, are happening. And I... I wanted to talk to my dad."

"I'm here. Talk to me."

"Sammy's left. He got that scholarship to Stanford. We flew over together last week and I dropped him off with his girlfriend, she got in too."

"A scholarship... Man that's impressive. And you?"

"That's a longer story. Lisa had a baby."

"Yours?"

"No. We thought it was, she had him two nights ago, he's not mine."

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"That must have broken your heart."

"It did... Building myself up to be a dad... Having that ripped away hurt more than I thought it would."

"You and Lisa staying together?"

"No, me and Lisa haven't been together for a long time."

"But there is someone special, isn't there?"

"There is. You remember Castiel, the kid my age who lived next door?"

"Yeah... Yeah I remember him, scrawny kid, always had his nose in a book. I seem to remember having a row with his folks over something but damned if I can remember what it was."

"It was me. Me and Cas, we're together. He's my boyfriend."

"Ah. I see."

"That's it? You see?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Dad you had that 'row' with his parents because they caught us kissing. You beat the crap out of me that day because I was with a guy."

"Dean I didn't beat you that day because you were kissing a boy, I beat you because I was drunk and the neighbours were screaming at me about something you had done. I didn't even listen to what they were screaming about, I was just pissed off that you had been a little bastard, getting into trouble."

"But those names you called me..."

"Whatever I said was because I'm an asshole, Dean, not a homophobe."

"So... You don't care?"

"Is he a nice boy? Treats you right? Makes you happy?"

"Yes. More than anyone."

"That's all I care about."

Dean stared silently down at his hands for a few seconds. That was not how he was expecting this conversation to go at all. 

"And what about the house? You care about that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I want to sell it, dad."

"You... want to sell our home?"

"But it's not a home. It never has been. It's been a place of nightmares for all of us, you, me, Sam. Nothing but bad memories haunt that place. And now Sam is in California, you're in here for a few more years, and what, you're gonna go back to that place after this? Be reminded of all that crap, every day? You really think you'll be able to stay sober after that?"

"Just ask me what you want to ask Dean."

"Cas has moved to New York for a job. It's a good job. Now that I know that baby isn't mine, with Sam gone, I have nothing tying me here. And I don't want to be a mechanic my whole life, I want to do things with my time. I want to go to college, I want to travel, I want to be with Cas. A couple of months ago me and Sam worked the house over, got her looking good as new. I want to sell it for as much as I can, split the money three ways. One for Sam, he can add it to his part of the college fund he doesn't need now, buy himself a house to make some real family memories with. One for you, so you can get yourself an apartment wherever you want when you get out of here. And one for me, so I can move in with Cas and go to college in New York. 

"If Sam doesn't need the fund then why didn't you take it?"

"We always assumed I wouldn't be going anyway, when we found out Sam didn't need it we split it. My half isn't enough for a full tuition, and I won't take Sammy's."

"You really think this is best for everyone?"

"I do. I think a fresh start is what we all need."

John sat in silence for a full minute contemplating Deans idea, his expressions worryingly unreadable. Then a blue light sticking out of the wall lit up with a loud buzzing sound and one of the guards shouted to the entire room.

"Times up! Back to your cells!"

John stood up and Dean looked him in the eyes imploringly, desperate for his dad to give him an answer. 

"Alright."

"Alright?"

John was backing away slowly, being bumped by the other inmates getting to the door.

"I'll call the lawyer and have him draw everything up. You'll be in charge of everything. I trust you Dean."

"Dad?"

John took one last look before slipping through the doorway.

"I might not be ready to forgive you. But I love you."

"Love you too son." 

John winked at Dean before being shoved through the door and having it slammed shut behind him. Dean let out a heavy, shaky breath. He couldn't believe that worked. He could never have imagined in his wildest dreams that his dad could have improved that much in just a few months. He would have to leave a really big tip for that therapist. 

When Dean got home that day, he spent all afternoon on his computer searching for the best mechanical engineering courses in New York. Just as he was scrolling through the course requirements for NYU, Cas called.

"Heya Cas."

"Hello Dean, is this a good time?"

"Any time is a good time when it's you calling."

"Sap. How was your day?"

"Uh, interesting. I went to see my dad."

"Alone?"

"Yes Cas, I'm a big boy."

"Are you okay?"

"Actually yeah, we had a good talk."

"What about?"

"Sam, and you."

"You... Told your dad about me?"

"About us. Yes. And he's cool."

"I thought last time he beat you to a pulp."

"He did. Things change."

"For the better it sounds like."

"One can only hope. Tell me about your day."

They talked for an hour, Cas rattling on about his crazy neighbours and funny coworkers and shitty apartment. Dean laughed and smiled and was just content to be hearing Cas' voice. After they hung up Dean got back to work, this time searching out real estate.

On Monday, a man in a suit came to the garage looking for Dean. Bobby looked at Dean funny while he spoke to the guy, approaching to ask what it was about after the suit left. 

"I'm leaving."

"What?!"

"Not right away, don't panic. I was going to tell you today anyway."

"Where you going?"

"New York."

"Ah. You wanna be with your boy, Cas."

"Yeah, I do. And I'm gonna go to college while I'm there."

"Well I'll be damned. Dean Winchester getting his life together. Never thought I'd see the day. This Castiel must a good influence or something."

Dean huffed a laugh, "Yeah he's pretty amazing."

"That still doesn't explain the suit."

"That's my dads lawyer, just organising a few things to get the house sold off."

"Damn boy you don't mess around."

"No, not anymore."

Bobby smirked and patted Dean on the back before leaving him to finish his work for the day. On Wednesday afternoon Dean finished up early and met the property valuer at the house, she insisted a high price but Dean was willing to put out a good deal to get it sold quickly. A week later, the house was sold to a family of four, the kind of family that would make it a home the way it was meant to be, the way his family could never make it. That weekend Dean put all his dads things in storage and donated everything else to a second hand charity store. He packed his own things to fit in his baby, including the record player and its vinyls. He hired cleaners to purge the place of the Winchester stench, and after signing a lot of paperwork, Dean handed the keys to its new owners. On a normal, cloudy tuesday, Dean drove out of the driveway for the last time and didn't look back.

Dean stopped at only a few scenic tourist traps on the highway to New York, sleeping in his car and lying to Cas on the phone every night, this time in excitement for the surprise of his life, not out of shock or embarrassment. It felt so different to be doing something for himself for once. He felt so free, like everything was in front of him and nothing behind him mattered anymore. Dean found the apartment quickly enough. He had used a fraction of his share of the house money to buy the place straight out. It wasn't anything too fancy or spectacular, but it wasnt crappy either. Close by the university and Castiels work office, a couple dozen floors up it had good light without giving Dean vertigo, one bedroom and open plan living it was surprisingly spacious. Everything had recently been touched up and the building itself had glowing recommendations. It was the kind of place that couples settled down in, and that made Deans stomach flip.

While he was on the road Dean had bought a bed and matress online and had it delivered to the apartment, sending instructions to the landlord to let them in. It was still in its plastic when Dean opened his new bedroom door. He sat on his only piece of furniture that night and opened his laptop, checking his email for the thousandth time. Bobby had given him a shining recommendation for NYU, and although Dean didn't have the best grades in school, he had experience to fall back on. He still couldn't believe his acceptance letter was just sitting there in his inbox, so innocent and unassuming like it hadn't changed his life and made him shit his pants all at once. 

The next day was Friday, Dean waited patiently all day, pacing and eating and trying to distract himself by reading the course outlines over and over. Finally the time came, he shrugged on his jacket, grabbed his umbrella and walked off down the street. One short bus trip and two wrong turns later, and Dean was standing outside the Time magazine office building. It was storming, thunder rumbled overhead and the rain pelted down. Dean pulled out his phone and called Cas.

"Hello Dean."

"Heya Cas, how's it going?"

"Ugh. I just finished work and its pouring with rain." Dean saw Cas step out of the front door a few feet in front of him, grimacing as he eyed the sky drenching him like it was a personal grievance. "And I didn't even bring an umbrella."

"I know," Dean said, stepping up behind Cas so that he could hear his real voice instead of just through the phone. "you always forget your umbrella."

Cas whirled around, the phone still pressed to his ear, mouth agape and eyes wide.

"Dean!"

Dean smiled and pulled Cas under the umbrella with him, wrapping his free arm around Castiels waist. 

"In the flesh."

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?!"

"Because I have a surprise for you."

"What? Dean you being here is enough, god I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

The boys couldn't stop smiling, they also couldn't stop themselves from leaning in to share a long, sweet kiss that left them both feeling satisfied and whole.

"Mmm I've been waiting too long to do that." 

Dean stroked Cas' cheek affectionately and stared into his eyes with such blatant adoration it made Cas' cheeks turn bright red.

"Dean, what's going on? You've been weird over the phone, I'm sure Lisa should have had the baby by now but you never said anything, you went to see your father, and now you're here? Talk to me, please."

Dean sighed and wound the fingers of his spare hand through Cas'. 

"Come on, we'll go somewhere first. Then we'll talk."

"Okay. Dinner?"

"Burgers, please. I'm starving."

"You're always starving."

Cas grinned ear to ear and the warm smile Dean had been wearing never left his face. Cas led them to a burger bar a couple of blocks away, it was warm and cozy and played 80's music from a jukebox, Dean loved it. They found a booth and sat across from each other, ordering their dinner and beer and waiting for the waitress to leave before Cas leaned forward and took Deans hand in his, holding it firmly and reverently, providing Dean with both a safe place and an anchor. 

"Okay, now will you tell me what's been going on with you?"

Dean took a deep breath and fixed his stare at their hands, running his thumb up and down Cas' absentmindedly. 

"It's not mine."

"What's not yours?"

"The baby. He's not mine. You're right, Lisa had the baby two weeks ago. I'm just not the father."

"Are you... Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent."

"Dean... I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"Because I know you were getting to like the idea of having a son. That can't have been easy for you."

Dean squeezed Cas' hand slightly. He didn't deserve the luck he had struck with Cas, the man was amazing.

"Well, it is what it is. I didn't call you because it took me a while to come out of the shock, you know? After that, well the ideas just started flowing. All of a sudden everything I thought was closed off to me was opened up like damn flood gates. I saw my dad because I wanted to make a start, take that first step to making ammends before I left, and because I needed his signature."

"Signature for what?"

"To sell the house."

"You're selling your house?!"

"No, I sold my house. It's already done."

"What?! Dean... Why did you do that?"

"Because I didn't want it anymore. Neither did dad, neither did Sam. Dad agreed, and we split the money between us."

"My god. So, what now then?"

Dean let go of Castiels hand and fished a folded piece of paper from his jacket pocket, handing it to Cas. He watched the confused look on Cas' face morph into surprise, and then disbelief as he read.

"Oh my god. Is this real?"

"NYU, waiting for one Dean Winchester to start in a week. Not bad huh?"

"Does this mean you're... You're moving, here?"

"Gotta keep up with those tenses Cas. Moved. Moved here."

"You already found a place?"

"I bought a place. I got enough to pay a chunk of my tuition and buy an apartment not far from here. It's not furnished at all, but I'll pick things up as I need them."

"You mean to tell me in the last fortnight since we saw each other, you reconciled with your father, suffered a brutal emotional upheaval alone, sold your house, moved to a different city half way across the country and enrolled in a college you never thought you'd see inside of?"

"Basically, yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

Dean watched Cas freeze. He saw his eyebrows shoot to his hairline then draw together like he couldn't comprehend what he just heard. His mouth hung open and his eyes got a little watery. Dean didn't feel exposed, or vulnerable or embaressed like he thought he would. He didn't feel scared or insecure like he used to fear. Saying those words to Cas felt as natural as breathing. As simply impulsive as walking, the words following one another from his mouth as automatic as one foot in front of the other. Dean smiled and waited, patiently letting his casual bomb wash over Cas. The waitress came back then with their drinks and clanked them down on the wooden table, promising their food would be out soon. Dean smiled and thanked her politely. Dean took a long swig of his beer, and when he set it back down it was Cas' turn to make Dean blush with the raw emotion emanating from his gaze. 

"I love you too."

Dean smiled and squeezed Cas' hand again.

"Now Cas, I don't want you to feel like you're under any obligation to live with me, okay? If you want to live on your own, have your independence, I totally understand. But either way, you're always welcome, my door is always open for you."

"Home is where the door is always open for you..." Cas whispered to himself under his breath.

"What's that?"

"Nothing. Just something Gabe said once. But if it's okay with you Dean, I've lived most of my life alone. I've come to find I don't like it all that much."

"Is that you saying you want to move in with me?" 

Cas sighed deeply and smiled, listening to the clap and rumble overhead as the sky opened fully and the rain bucketed down. Sitting here, with Dean, he didn't feel afraid.

"Well, who else is going to fight off the thunder for me?"


	8. Angel Wings

**FIVE YEARS LATER**

"Cas! Cas!" 

Dean came barelling through their apartment door with an expression like the smugest little kid in the world.

"What is it?"

"I passed! Cas I passed everything with flying colours. I'm gonna be a firefighter!"

Cas got up from his desk that was covered in post-it noted research and his open laptop where he had been writing all day. He walked towards Dean with a beaming grin and swept him into a smooth waltz, both of them falling easily into step and automatically placing their hands for the dance.

"Can't say I'm surprised, I knew you'd kick it in the ass."

"Well, now I know that too. You still okay with me doing this?"

They stepped leisurely in a slow circle, Cas brought Deans hand towards his mouth and kissed the back of it tenderly.

"If it's still what you want. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to be panicking every time that beeper goes off until you get home, but if it makes you happy, I'm happy."

Dean leaned in and caught Cas' lips in a sweet kiss that held a strong undercurrent of desire.

"So, what do you say we celebrate in the bedroom?"

"Hmm, only if you promise that we can put that uniform to good use when you get it."

"Deal."

This time, Cas was the one who caught Deans lips, and this time it was not sweet or veiled, it was pure passion. Their tongues entangled and they couldn't get their clothes on the floor fast enough. When they were both stripped bare and rock solid, Cas gripped Deans perfect ass with both hands and lifted him clear off the floor, carrying him to the bed with practised ease. Dean might have felt embaressed about how much it turned him on when Cas did that at the beginning of their relationship, but that ship had long since sailed and he just couldn't find it in himself to care, instead he wrapped his legs around Cas and held onto his broad shoulders as they moved, never breaking their kiss. 

Cas lay Dean down and moved with him as he shuffled back on the bed, Cas stayed between Deans legs the entire time and when Dean was comfortable, Cas dived down to take him straight away. Dean ran his fingers through Cas' hair as his boyfriend worked him over with his tongue, licking, kissing and sucking in all the ways that drove Dean wild. After teasing Dean to the point of begging, Cas moved down and started on his pink, waiting hole. He flicked his tongue around the sensitive flesh enough to have the sound of Deans moaning filling their apartment and probably a few others, making things even louder when he added a finger, two fingers, to the equation. 

When Cas finally took mercy and lubed himself up, he moaned the loudest of all at the feeling of plunging inside Dean. It had quickly become his favourite feeling, Deans tightness and heat engulfing him, his favourite sound was Dean whimpering his name, his favourite sight was Dean wreaked and writhing in pleasure beneath him, though he had no aversion to when Dean decided he wanted to take Cas, those nights were just as amazing. When Cas was fully sheathed and let out a shaky breath, a squeak caught in his throat as Dean suddenly locked his legs around Cas and flipped them over, Cas now on his back and Dean sitting on top, still fully seated with Cas inside him. 

"Dean... God that was hot."

"Yeah well, strap in cowboy."

All Cas could do was watch as Dean rode him, pounding himself up and down on Cas, his muscles rippling, his skin glistening with sweat, his face contorted in pleasure as he bounced down harder and harder. Cas was amazed he lasted as long as he did with a green eyed god riding him and whimpering his name. Cas was screaming by the time Dean blew his load all over Cas' chest, and watching Dean come on him was so damn hot it set Cas off, thrusting up into Dean one last time as he came inside him. 

Dean collapsed on Cas' chest as they both came down and softened. Cas fell out of Dean and they both winced, then laughed at each other. Dean lifted his chin off of Cas so he could see his face, exploring Castiels eyes.

"So you're really okay with this?" Dean asked.

"Like I said, if it makes you happy, I'll always have your back."

Dean craned up and kissed Cas sweetly.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Now we should probably get cleaned up before your brother gets here."

Just as Cas finished the sentence the bedroom door swung wide open and a tall and lanky figure with floppy hair stood in the doorway, his face instantly transforming from joyful to horrified. 

"Oh Jesus! Dean!" Sam covered his eyes with his hands and continued making disgusted noises as he slammed the door shut again.

"Too late." Dean remarked. The two laughed and rolled off the bed to get dressed. Sam was glaring at Dean when he walked out to make a coffee.

"Well I'll never be able to scrub that image from my head."

"Hey, it's a beautiful, natural act Sammy."

"There are parts of you I never wanted to see, Dean."

"Well its my apartment, you don't wanna see me naked in my own apartment you should've knocked."

"You gave me a key."

"And now you know to knock before using it."

Deans smirk was contagious and Cas was trying not to giggle as he started tidying his work desk.

"Just make me a coffee jerk, maybe I'll be able to burn my eyes out with it before the long weekend is over."

"Bitch. But hey, guess what? As of today, your big brother's an official New York firefighter."

Not even the memory of what he had walked into was enough to wipe the ear to ear smile that erupted on Sam's face before he jumped off the couch to bear hug his brother. 

"I knew you could do it man, it's been you're dream since you were a kid."

"Yeah, thanks."

Dean looked affectionately at Cas, his hair freshly mussed from Dean running his hands through it, his skin glowing from the orgasm, brow furrowed adorably in concentration as he sorted his paperwork. 

"One dream down, one to go."

Cas spent the long weekend working, though Dean was sure he was purposely finding work for himself so that he and Sam could have brother time together without having to ask awkwardly. When Dean dropped Sam at the airport they discovered the flight had been delayed and decided to kill time at the airport bar. 

"What's going on with you?" Sam asked over the rim of his beer.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me Dean, you've been acting weird all weekend. Is it the firefighter thing? Are you nervous? Cause you know you'll be great."

"No it's not that. I mean, a small part of me worries that they only hired me because of my degree, you know I mean when there isn't a burning building somewhere I'll be the guy servicing all the trucks. What if that's all they ever let me do?"

"Then they're the stupidest fire department there ever was, and you call your hotshot lawyer brother and his girlfriend over to sort them out."

"Pfft, yeah because that's a heroic look."

"Seriously though, if it's not the job what is it?"

Dean sighed and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a small velvet ring box.

"Dean... Is that what I think it is?"

"Yep."

"This is what you've been stressing about?"

"Well yeah I mean, what if he says no?"

"I'm sorry have you met Cas? The guy who's been in love with you since forever? You can't seriously think he'll say no."

"Yeah well just wait until you propose to Jess okay it's not as easy as it looks."

"I'll keep that in mind. How are you doing it?"

"I don't know. I haven't planned anything, just waiting for the right moment."

"Call me when it happens, let me know how it goes."

"Yeah I will, thanks Sammy."

The two only had time for one more drink before Sam's flight announcement came over the speakers and he had to board. Dean waved goodbye at the gate and drove home again, his pocket extra heavy considering the tiny weight inside it. Dean got back to the apartment and took his jacket off at the door, dropping his keys in the bowl to the side. 

"Cas? Sweetheart?"

Dean called out, the place was oddly quiet until Cas appeared from the bathroom, toothbrush still in his mouth as he hummed a tune.

"Hey, there you are. Why are you brushing your teeth it's barely dinner time?"

"Because, we're going out."

"We are?"

"We still haven't celebrated you getting the job yet, soooo I thought, maybe... Burgers and beer? A nice walk along the river? What do you say?"

"Sounds perfect. You're perfect."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and kissed his nose.

"Great, we'll leave in fifteen."

Cas took the toothbrush out of his mouth and kissed Dean properly. Dean briefly kissed back, until he felt the toothpaste from around Cas' mouth transfer wetly to his own skin. Dean reeled back and grimaced, wiping the minty bubbles away.

"Ugh, gross Cas."

Cas laughed bodily on his way back to the bathroom where he finished cleaning up. Dean picked out some clothes and stripped to shower. Both men were cleaned up nicely and dressed for their impromptu date in minutes, reciting their check list of essentials to each other on the way out the door. Dean made sure he was the one to close it so he could rip the ring box from his jacket and shove it in his blazer while Cas wasn't looking. 

The couple shared their delicious dinner at Deans favourite burger joint, a little place by the river that did the best bacon cheese burgers in the city. They talked and joked during their date like they always did, Dean found it amazing that they never got bored of each other. They just loved being in one another's company, it never felt anything but natural. Afterwards they took a leisurely walk, arm in arm along the riverside pathway. They were enjoying the peaceful quiet when suddenly both their hearts leaped out of their chests, a booming explosion sounded over the water and they felt each other jump out of their skin before looking up at the Brooklyn Bridge ahead. 

The bridge and the sky around it was alight with fireworks, going off in a consecutive line in the colours of the rainbow and reflected by the water, it was one of the most beautiful things the boys had seen. Dean looked over to Cas, whose gaze was transfixed by the spectacle, his mouth curved into a wonderous smile. Cas' beauty never failed to make Deans heart melt, and that was when he remembered the tiny box in his pocket. Dean brought a hand up and caressed Cas' face, turning to face him full bodied. 

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Cas grinned.

"You're beautiful."

"Sap." Cas huffed a laugh.

"I mean it. Cas, you're beautiful, inside and out. You're the best man I've ever known, my best friend. I need you like I need air to breath. I love you more than I could ever express, but..."

Cas' eyes had started welling, his brow slightly furrowed at why Dean would be saying such wonderful things. Then Dean took a deep breath, pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and lowered onto one knee, holding the box open so Cas could see the matching gold bands inside, both of them custom crafted into an intricate pair of wings that branched from the base and curved around to meet again at the tips, a small diamond set into the base centre. Cas absentmindedly fingered at the angel wings pendant at his throat as he meet Deans eyes, eyes that always plunged Cas into depths of love he didn't know the heart was capable of before. 

"...but I hope this gives you some idea. Castiel Novak, will you marry me?"

Cas couldn't hold it back anymore, and the tears started flowing. He grabbed Dean by the shoulders and pulled him to his feet, kissing him fiercely before leaning their foreheads together to catch his breath.

"So... That's a yes?"

"Yes! Dean of course yes!"

They both laughed and embraced each other for another kiss before slipping their rings on. They held hands and watched the rest of the fireworks, Dean leaning his head on Cas' shoulder, both of them at peace and happier than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking with me and the story guys you're the best! Hope you enjoyed it and the happy ending, love ya'll!!


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